Hate You, Love You
by jacklavigne
Summary: After spending six weeks in the SHU after her fight with Dogget, Piper realizes how many mistakes she'd made since coming to Litchfield. The SHU changes her and she begins to see her life through new eyes and realizes that she doesn't like it. Or herself. This one if for the Vauseman fans. This is set after the Season one finale. Spoilers ahead for those who haven't finished it.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: No, none of the characters belong to me nor do I receive any payment for the writing of this fanfiction. This story is rating M for violence and sexual scenes. Oh and if you're not a fan of same sex relationships, why did you even press the link to this story, man? Close the page.

Authors Note: Hey guys, I've pretty much falling in love with OitNB as I'm sure the rest of you have. This story is for the vauseman fan's, obviously. I'm not sure how many chapters it's going to have or how quickly it's going to be updated, due to the fact that I have another story I want to finish before this one. But I couldn't stop myself from uploading the first chapter at least. Reviews are obviously very welcome and appreciated, whethers it's advice, questions or hate mail, I love it all. Thank you for reading.

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter One**

_Chapman_

It could have been worse.

She was back in the SHU and it was cold and creepy and the screams of the other inmates rang loud in her ears but she knew, it could have been so much worse. For the blood that now stained her hands, she could be in maximum security but instead, she got six weeks in the SHU and an extended sentence. She didn't know which was worse, the next six weeks in solitary or the five years she'd spend in prison after. Five years locked away from the outside world, eating horrible food and living with half a prison that hated her. Five more years away from her family and friends, her fiancé; if she could call him that anymore. Five more years with the woman that ruined her life and at times, hated beyond reason.

The same woman that she loved so much that it hurt.

The light flickered annoyingly over her head as she sat against the cool stone wall, staring down at her hands. Her knuckles were bruised and broken, several splits in the skin that had been sewn up along with the slice on her hand. It could be worse, she admitted to herself. She could be in the hospital on life support like Pennsyltucky, with a face that was hardly recognizable anymore. If that wave of rage hadn't suddenly overtaken her outside in the snow, it could have been her in hospital, or worse, she could have been dead. But those last words Pennsyltucky spoke had really hit home, hit a truth in her that she hadn't even realized she felt and she lost it.

_You ain't worthy of nobody's love!_

It had hurt, but only for a moment until boiling anger had taken over and she'd satisfied her pain with inflicting it on someone else. It wasn't something she ever could see herself doing but she had. Prison had truly changed her. Or had she been like this all along and never known?

No, she had always known. She'd always had that crazy side and you can't fix crazy. You can only push it down for so long until it eventually comes bubbling back up and that's exactly what happened. Crazy Eyes was right, she wasn't a nice person.

"Man, you fucked up, Chapman," the blonde whispered to herself as she rubbed her wrists. They were sore from the Caputo's tight grip as he dragged her to the van which brought her here. She'd had two visitors so far, a police officer that recorded her statement over her fight with Tiffany and another from Caputo several hours ago, to give her the news of her extended sentence. She'd been there for what she estimated was three days, but it felt like three years.

_Well, _she thought to herself bitterly. _At least I have a lot of time to think about everything I fucked up in the last few months._

The last ten years, more like it.

The hours dragged on as she lay in her bed, her stomach muscles cramping painfully from the sit ups she'd been doing. She had a lot of time to do nothing and she'd told Larry that at least she'd leave prison ripped and now seemed as good a time as any to start her new fitness regime. She figured it wouldn't hurt to come back to the prison with a few extra muscles and it would add some fuel to the gossip she was sure was spreading throughout the prison dorms as she spent her time in the SHU. Not that she needed any more rumors spreading around about her but it might keep some of Pennsyltucky's followers away from her if she looked a little more intimidating. She knew they'd be out for blood the minute she got back.

She wondered how long it had been since she entered solitary and guessed that it was about two weeks. She was starting to get used to the constant screaming, even managing sleep for a few hours after her work outs. She'd had plenty of time to think so far and her burning muscles gave her a much need reprieve from the sometimes painful thoughts racing around her head. She couldn't stop thinking about Larry and Alex and the beating she'd given Tiffany.

She remembered the feel of Larry's comforting arms around her and the way her heart raced and her body shook with Alex's head between her legs. And she remembered the feeling of meth head's blood dripping from her finger tips and into the once pure white snow, staining it along with her soul.

It was too much.

She didn't know how much longer she could stand to be with her own thoughts and yet, was even more terrified of returning to the prison, returning to Alex's cold looks and the visits from her mother which could only be even worse now than before. She didn't know if she could stand the silence from Larry that she had a feeling would never end. She knew that it was all her fault. She should have left Alex alone from the start and if she had, none of this would have happened. She would still be engaged to Larry, maybe even back in her bunk right now, planning her wedding. She could team up with Morello and maybe they could even plan together.

But Alex had always been inevitable to her.

She felt drawn to her like a moth to the flame and she was burnt just the same. Pennsyltucky's words had dug themselves into her brain and now she was actually starting to believe them. She had never deserved Alex's love, the first time or the second. She'd never deserved the love and devotion that Larry showed her or even the steadfast friendship from Polly. She'd ruined everything, all in what felt like a matter of moments and there was no way to go back. She could never go back, she could only move forward.

That's how she made her decision. It was the hardest thing she knew she'd ever have to do but it was an easy choice in the end. For once, she wouldn't be the selfish bitch that Alex knew her to be. She wouldn't be the hurtful person that had taken Larry's heart and crushed it. She would do as Alex told her and stay away from the raven haired woman. And she'd give Larry all the time he needed and just hope that maybe one day, she could at least have her best friend back.

With a heart wrenching sob that caused her entire body to shudder, Piper rolled onto her stomach, pushing her arms underneath her before starting a long number of pushups.

_Vause_

She stared at the pages of the well-worn book she held in her hands, her eyes scanning the words but taking nothing in. Her attention was grudgingly focused on the table next to her, where a group of women sat discussing the latest prison gossip. The one thing she wanted to hear about most yet didn't want to listen to at all. Why was it that all the prison gossip ended up focusing around one single inmate? The one person in all the world that she didn't want to think about yet was constantly in her thoughts. How could one person get into so much trouble in a fifteen month sentence?

Gods, Piper Chapman was the definition of trouble. And crazy, fucking psycho crazy.

"Dogget won't be coming back," Big Boo shook her head as she shifted the cards around in her thick fingers. "If she wakes up at all, she'll spend the rest of her sentence in Max."

"Do you think that's where Chapman's gone?" Morello asked with concern.

"I heard from Red that she's in the SHU," Nicky said as she picked up another card from the deck, a thoughtful look on her face. "She doesn't know when she's coming back though, if at all. Poor Blondie, she's been in there for three weeks."

"We shoulda done more. We shoulda helped her more instead of just letting her fend for herself," Poussey muttered with a frown on her face, arms crossed loosely over her chest. "We taught the kid some tricks, but she all bones and shit. Doggett was small, but she had fire. God's fire shooting right out of her ass."

"Hey, I helped!" Boo said indigently. "I gave her the goddamn screwdriver."

"You did vhat?"

Red's thickly accented voice caused all the girls to look up at the older woman who stood in the doorway. Her noodles were forgotten in her right hand as she stalked towards the table, glaring down at Big Boo.

"Why would you do something so idiotic?" Red hissed quietly, her eyes spitting fire. "She will be lucky if she ever gets let back here if they found that on her!"

"I was just trying to help," Boo muttered apologetically, resting her chin on her meaty fist. "At least I did something."

The group went silent after that, each lost in their own thoughts. I felt a touch of guilt at Boo's words but quickly pushed it down. Piper wasn't my problem anymore; she'd made that perfectly clear when she chose Larry over me. Why the fuck should I help her? When has she ever been there for me? All she wanted me for was a quick fuck in the chapel and someone to hold her hand as she served her sentence in Litchfield. As soon as she left this place, all thoughts of me would be forgotten again and she'd leave me broken like the last time.

Except this time, I knew I wouldn't be able to bounce back from it again.

I sighed in self-disgust as I immersed myself in my book, a poetry book that I had stumbled upon in the library and remembered as one of my mother's favorites. I let the words flow through me, relaxing me as I finally was able to think of something other than Piper. Piper and her stupid fiancé, her knack of getting herself in trouble, the way she felt as she lay in my arms. I forgot about everything.

Until Nicky sat down next to me, that cocky half smile, half smirk on her face.

"How you holding up, Vause?" She asked, running her long fingers through her always disheveled hair. I never took my eyes from the words in front of me as I answered her question.

"Fine, why wouldn't I be?" I spoke nonchalantly as I slowly turned the page. The corner of my lips turned up at the next poem. I had always had a thing for Shakespeare, not that I'd ever tell anyone. I remember once when I was in Paris with Piper and she recited some of his words into my ear as she made lo-

_Oh, fuck no. We are not going there today._

"I don't know, because your girl is in the SHU? I know things have changed between you two but still, if it was Morello in there, I-"

"She's not my girl," I cut her off, trying to keep the bitterness from my voice and knowing I'd failed miserably when I looked up into Nicky's eyes. Her brown orbs were surprisingly sympathetic and I tried to quickly make light of the situation with a joke. "Seriously, after the Christmas present I gave you, I thought you'd know that."

Nicky grinned cockily, her eyes twinkling as she leant forwards in her chair. "You want a repeat, Vause?"

I raised an eyebrow at her, thinking that maybe there were more ways than one to take my mind off my crazy blonde ex-girlfriend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Two**

_Chapman_

She scraped off as much of the mold off the top of her meal as she could. The food was indistinguishable and she was reluctant as always but she knew that she needed to eat. She'd been locked in the SHU for a very long time, having lost count after the first two weeks of the exact days she'd spent locked away. For the first few weeks, she'd hardly touched the meals that they brought her, retching with every bite that she took but now, she'd finally lost her mind enough that she could eat it without even holding her nose. Her stomach twisted and she grimaced as she swallowed the first mouthful but she knew that it would settle in a few hours. It always did. In the back of her mind, a voice whispered that she was a fucking debutante and that she was better than this, but she'd stopped listening to that voice after her third week here. She had finally acknowledged that it was that fucking voice that had caused her so much trouble in the first place; the same voice that had lost her Alex and Larry and caused her nothing but pain.

She finished her meal finally, resisting the urge to lean over the toilet and throw it back up as her stomach gurgled in complaint. She rested her head against the wall; new muscles flexing as she stretched out her arms and clenched her hands into fists. Her cuts had healed, leaving thin white lines across her knuckles and along her palm where Doggett had managed to cut her. Her skin was even paler than normal, almost translucent and she swore for a moment that she could almost see the blood rushing through her veins with every beat of her heart. That or her meal was causing hallucinations, which wouldn't surprise her in the slightest.

She hummed quietly to herself as she considered her next activity. She knew she couldn't work out for at least an hour or her muscles would cramp horribly after eating the sludge she'd ingested. She couldn't sleep because, well, because she couldn't sleep. Nightmares were frequent and beyond terrifying and she knew that she needed to completely exhaust herself for a dreamless sleep. But of course, she couldn't exercise for another hour and she didn't want to spend that time thinking either. Six weeks with only herself had given her more than enough time to think and she was sick of the hurt it caused. It was more painful than the cramps that working out after eating gave her.

In the back of her mind, she heard heavy footsteps making their way down the corridor outside her cell, but this wasn't anything new. The guards made their rounds regularly and they were still probably finishing their breakfast rounds. Handing out what she was now sure was mushed peas and carrots, mixed together and around two years old. There was a grating noise, a new sound to her, but familiar at the same time and her heart jumped into her throat. A heavy lock clicked loudly and then the door to her room was open and Pornstache was standing before her, looking down at her with a mixture of pity and disgust.

"Get up, Chapman. I don't have all fucking day."

I stared up at him in surprise, unable to push my legs underneath me at his order. It was my first human interaction in three weeks since I had stopped taking showers, too uncomfortable to stand in front of the leering guards as they openly eyed my body. I found myself half excited to leave and half terrified to go back to Litchfield. I'd finally gotten used to the SHU and now they wanted to send me back to the prison where I'd never really fit in and I didn't have anyone to turn to.

Not that it was anyone's fault but my own, I knew.

"Get the fuck up," Mendez said, but his tone wasn't as harsh as normal. He stepped into the cell and grabbed my arm before hauling me to my feet as though I was a feather. "You don't want to keep Morello waiting, do ya?"

I walked as if in a daze, thankful for Mendez's guiding hand holding my arm which in turn kept me on my feet. We followed a maze of hallways and went through several doors before we finally made it outside. I instantly shied away from the bright sunlight, holding my hands over my eyes as the beams pierced my eyes painfully. It took several minutes for me to adjust, taking in the warm rays that touched my skin and sent heat flowing through my body. I was surprised that Mendez was being so patient with me, standing quietly as I quickly blinked my eyes, pushing back the tears that threatened to fall. I couldn't help the wide smile that momentarily took over my face as Mendez finally led me to the van. It felt so good to just be outside, so good that I even forgot for a moment that I was returning to prison where only bad things were waiting for me. I stepped into the back of the van, just listening as Mendez leant across me to speak to Morello.

"Take her back to Litchfield. No stops on the way, you hear me? I have some business I need to take care of."

I watched silently as Morello nodded her understanding before turning to me with a large grin. I flinched when Pornstache slammed the door closed but managed to return a tentative smile of my own.

"How you doing, honey?" Morello asked as she turned back around and started the car. "We've all been worried about you, you know. We all missed you back at Litch, even Red."

"I can't say that I've been worse but I'm okay," I replied, my voice hoarse from lack of use.

"Yeah? You don't look half bad, actually," Morello said, looking at me in the rear view mirror. "Your skin is a little pale and you're skinnier but not that bad. Got a bit of muscle there, Chapman."

"Wasn't much to do," I said, turning my head to look out the window. I listened as Morello continued to ramble in the way that she always does but my attention was focused outside. I had forgotten how green leaves were and how the sunlight felt against my skin or the wind in my hair. It was nice to sit on something that wasn't stone or the thinnest mattress ever made not to mention the dirtiest. I felt a smile slip onto my face as I felt the bliss that Watson must have felt when she was released from the SHU. I knew instantly what I'd spend the rest of my day doing.

/

_Vause_

I was in my cube, reading a book when what looked like the entire Ghetto ran through White Suburbia. I sat up in bed, looking over the wall of my cube and meeting Nichol's confused gaze as Poussey and Taystee practically skipped past, slowly their pace to a walk as they passed the CO bubble. They were speaking but not loud enough for me to hear what they were saying.

"What the fuck," I muttered under my breath as Nicky started to follow the women and I in turn, followed her. "What's going on?"

"I have no idea," Nicky answered with a shrug as we climbed a flight of stairs after the flock of girls. We ended up at the window that overlooked the prison gates and everyone pushed for the best view as though they were fighting for seats in a cinema to watch a highly rated movie. I found myself being pulled to the front by Nicky, receiving first angry looks which quickly turned somewhat sympathetic. I watched with everyone else as Morello drove the van inside before turning around in her seat to talk to whoever her passenger was.

That's when it all clicked.

It had been almost exactly six weeks ago when Piper had been pulled by Caputo into the exact same van. I remember hearing through the grapevine that Piper had been given six long weeks in the SHU and an extended sentence. Another five years that I'd have to spend with her in here. And it looked like today was her returning date.

_Oh fuckity fucking fuck._

"There she is!" Black Cindy said from next to me, her face practically pressed to the window. I was horrified and embarrassed to discover that my face was just as close, my nose lightly brushing against the thick wire that covered the glass when the door of the van opened and she stepped out.

"Holy shit," Nicky seemed to breathe right in my ear and I couldn't stop myself from nodding in agreement. Holy shit was right.

"Look at that gangster!" Poussey laughed, high fiving Taystee as Piper slowly walked down the path to Litchfield, a slight swagger to her steps as her clothes practically hung off her unbelievably slim yet amazingly toned body. She was back in orange, a white t-shirt underneath her prison shirt, sleeves rolled up almost to her shoulders. Her blonde hair had grown longer, reaching just past her breasts and she looked younger and older at the same time. With a brooding look on her face, she actually looked like someone returning from solitary after beating the shit out of a fellow inmate, not at all like the Piper I remember.

It was surprisingly sexy as fuck.

Until when she looked up at the clear blue sky, her equally sapphire eyes sparkling as she reached her arms to the Heavens, new muscles ripping in her forearms and biceps, then she looked downright beautiful. I watched as the most pure and radiant smile took over her face, her eyes fluttering closed in pure pleasure and I was reminded of the face she made during orgasm every time I had my mouth buried in her pussy.

I continued to watch her, even as everyone else slowly moved away, returning to their bunks. It took me several minutes to finally tear my eyes away, knowing that I should keep my distance from the crazy blonde and planning to do just that. Yet as I turned away, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd see her in the showers later and the thought brought a smile to my lips.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Three**

_Chapman_

She spent the rest of the day outside, sitting by the fence near the exact spot that she beat the shit out of Tiffany. No one found her, she assumes because no one expected Piper to be where she was which was perfectly fine with her. She thought that she'd be desperate for human interaction once she left the SHU but the car ride with Morello's constant chatter had proved otherwise. She found herself craving some silence, though a fucked up part of her thought it was a little too quiet without the screams from the other residents in solitary. She wondered how she would sleep without that little bit of normalcy from her days locked away.

She stared at the lush green grass that covered the ground, wondering if the blood dried up in the sunlight along with the snow that once layered the earth. She closed her eyes as she remembered her bruised and broken knuckles repeatedly impacting Tiffany's face, breaking bones and bruising internal organs with every blow. She vaguely remember Morello telling her that the meth head had finally woken up which was a relief, more because it meant that no more time would be added to her sentence for manslaughter. The video camera in the yard was the one piece of evidence that stopped her sentence for being extended for more than five years. Her self-defense had been overly excessive but there was no denying that Doggett had attacked her first. Another relief was that Mr. Healy had been sent on leave without pay and she wouldn't have to see him for a very long time.

Piper just hoped that she could control her temper when she finally did see him again.

The blonde didn't know who was more surprised when the door suddenly opened, revealing Bennett. They stared at each other for a few moments before the young guard cleared his throat and gestured towards the door. "You shouldn't be out here, inmate. It's out of bounds."

She nodded reluctantly, pushing herself to her feet before she made her way past Bennett and through the door. The hall was thankful empty and she was grateful for another few minutes to herself before someone finally found her. She thought about where she wanted to go next. A big part of her desperately wanted to go out to the track and run for hours, another part of her just wanted to lie down and sleep. She took a deep breath through her nose and grimaced, deciding that a shower would be her best option if she didn't want Taystee to kick her out of their shared dorm.

With a sigh, she made her way to the Ghetto where she was instantly noticed by the other inmates. They mostly kept their eyes averted from her, some acknowledging her with nods while others smiled at her. It wasn't until she got to her cube when she was finally spoken to in a loud way that caused her to flinch.

"CHAPMAN!"

"Hey girl! Where you been? We've been waiting for ya'll down here."

"You look good, man. SHU didn't fuck you up so bad this time, huh?"

Piper blinked repeatedly at the unexpected noise that assaulted her ears. She repressed the urge to cover them childishly with her hands and offered the women crowding her cubicle a weak smile. Half of the Ghetto had cramped themselves into the tiny space, half of them being people that she hadn't even spoken to before but were giving her healthy looks of respect. Despite all of this, there seemed to be a small undercurrent of tension as the girls traded looks between each other as if expecting the blonde to snap at any moment.

"Hey," she managed to get out quite hoarsely, still not used to speaking yet. "So, this is my welcome home party?"

"You know it, gangster," Poussey grinned her infectious grin, offering Piper her fist which the blonde bumped with her own gently. "Look at them muscles, girl. What did you do in there?"

"Masturbated," Piper deadpanned. "A lot."

The tension was immediately broken as all the women burst into laughter and Piper couldn't help the small smile that tugged at her lips. If this was the reception that she was going to recieve after spending six weeks in the SHU, who was she to complain? The women of the Ghetto had managed to sneak in several large candy bars and a bottle of soda and were now passing them around, in between their ongoing chuckles. As Piper sat down on her bed, in between Black Cindy and a girl she didn't know, she decided that her shower could wait.

Until the other inmates kicked her out of her own welcome back party, anyway.

/

_Vause_

It was at dinner when she finally saw her, hair still damp from a shower and surrounded by her dorm mates as she made her way into the room. She didn't want to stare but she couldn't help herself as she watched Piper listen interestedly to the conversation going on around her. She seemed quieter than normal, which was something since Piper wasn't a naturally loud person but she guessed that SHU could do that to a person. She probably hadn't heard anything but her own voice for weeks so she couldn't blame the blonde for hanging on Taystee's every word, though she felt a twinge of something when she watched Black Cindy squeeze Piper's newly muscled arm which then caused the entire group to burst into laughter.

She thought she heard something about constantly having to switch hands but fucked if she knew what it meant.

"With the way you're looking at her, you'd think she was Scarlett Johansen."

The words caused Alex to jump in surprise before scowling at Nicky who was smirking at her. "Shut up."

"Hey, no offence, Vause," Nicky grinned slyly as she chewed a mouthful of potato. "Chapman's good looking, no doubt about it; I mean, the blonde hair, the blue eyes, _that body_. No one blames you."

"Shut. Up." The brunette whispered fiercely which Nicky finally seemed to take as a sign to back off. She held her hands up in a gesture of peace before gently nudging her shoulder against Alex's.

"It's natural," Nicky said finally after several moments of blessed silence. "We were all worried about her, y'know? Some more than others, but still."

"You're talking about it like I give a shit about her," Alex replied, her temper beginning to rise. She didn't know why she was getting so angry but talking about Piper always seemed to make her angry these days.

"Don't you?" Nicky said innocently, staring at Alex with those deep brown eyes that seemed to look right through her before returning to her conversation with Big Boo. Alex felt herself deflate at those words, her anger vanishing like smoke through her fingers; smoke that she desperately wanted to hold onto but she was just too tired. She knew the words for truth; no matter how disgusted with herself it made her feel.

Was it wrong for her to be concerned about someone who had literally crushed her heart only weeks ago? No. Anyone with an ounce of fucking compassion would be concerned about someone that had spent six weeks in solitary. Was it wrong that she wanted to hear those words from Piper herself? No. She wanted to hear it from her so she would know it for truth and she could stop worrying about the psycho bitch.

Was it wrong to watch to hold the blonde in her arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay now? Yes. Yes, that was fucking wrong.

"God, you're an idiot, Vause," she whispered to herself as she violently stabbed her food with her spork. "Idiot, idiot, idiot."

So lost in her thoughts, she didn't see the concerned blue eyes watching her from across the room. It wasn't until she finally looked up that she saw Piper staring at her but as soon as their eyes met, the blonde turned her gaze back to Poussey who was talking loudly. With a sigh, Alex picked up her tray of untouched food and through it in the bin before making her way from the room, trying to ignore the eyes that she could feel on her back as she left.


	4. Chapter 4

_Authors Note: Hey guys, I want to thank you all for the comments that I've been getting for this story, along with the personal PM's. They're all very appreciated and every writer knows that nice comments and even criticism makes you want to update even faster. So, here I am, giving you all another chapter as quickly as possible. Also, I plan on making the chapters a lot longer from here on out, when I can. Still writing my other story which is taking up a lot of my free time, so thanks for your patience. Enjoy._

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Four**

_Chapman_

The first week went by in a blur and Piper found herself falling into a routine that suited her after her six week stint in the SHU. Every morning she would wake up early and have breakfast before going down to the track to run for several miles. Taystee had managed to buy her a handset radio from commissary while she was locked up and she listened to it while she ran repeatedly around the dirt track, listening to a station that played constant 80's and 90's music that she loved. After running, she would take a shower while everyone went to their jobs before returning to her cube to read some of the books that had been sent to her from friends and family on the outside. She was still waiting to be assigned a new job since Caputo didn't trust her in electrical after her fight with Tiffany, even though the meth head had surprisingly not told them that the screwdriver belonged to Piper.

In between lunch and dinner, she would find Yoga Jones and join her for her yoga class, something new that she decided to try. Now that she didn't have Alex purposely antagonizing her from the other side of the room, she found it much more relaxing and it used muscles that she never even knew that she had. She took pride in her new lithe and muscled body, having little trouble with stretches and poses that the other women were straining to achieve. After yoga, she would go to dinner and eat with her B Dorm mates, laughing and smiling genuinely at their jokes and stories, especially Taystee and Poussey's impression of upper class white women. It would have offended her at the start of her sentence but now she could see it from another perspective and it made her shake her head that she had acted not much different once.

She also continued to avoid Alex like the plague, hoping that she wouldn't bump into her in the showers or wandering the halls. She wanted to give her the space from Piper that she so obviously wanted and so when she entered a room and heard Alex's deep voice inside, Piper immediately exited and found something else to do. It was hard though, especially on laundry day when she had to either hand Alex her clothes or one of Doggett's bible thumpers. Each time she entered the room where the brunette was either loading the washing machines or folding khaki's, Piper just dropped her bag on the table before leaving, keeping her blue eyes on the floor and ignoring the gaze that burned right in between her shoulder blades. She didn't want to look up and see Alex's icy gray eyes filled with anger and hate towards her. It would be more than Piper could bear.

Two weeks after her release from the SHU, Piper was sitting in the TV room on a Saturday afternoon, playing scrabble with Morello when Fischer stopped in front of the door.

"Chapman," the young CO called to her, causing her to forget the lettered tiles she had been playing with. "You have a visitor waiting for you."

Piper's eyes widened in surprise; she didn't know that anyone had been planning to visit her today. She had heard from her family and Polly since she left the SHU and they were all planning to visit her in a week's time. She thought that maybe Polly had decided to come early to talk to her about Larry or her extended sentence. She knew that her friend didn't want to spend a several hour long car ride with her mother, so maybe she decided to come alone first.

Piper stood up from my seat, giving Morello an apologetic smile as she made my way out of the rec room and followed Fischer to the visiting room. She was patted down by another guard who made a show of grabbing her ass several times before letting her enter the room crowded with inmates and their families.

And sitting in the middle of the room, looking nervous and unsure was her best friend and now ex fiancé, staring up at her.

"Larry," she said softly as she made her way to the table, unsure what to expect from the man whose heart she had broken only a few weeks earlier. She sat down across from him, resting her now scarred hands on the table as she waited for him to speak. There were so many things that she wanted to say but didn't have a right to. She wanted to apologize and beg for his forgiveness but it wouldn't be fair to him. So instead, she just sat quietly and waited.

"Piper," Larry finally breathed as his eyes raked over the blonde, as if checking to make sure every part of her was still intact after her stint in solitary. "I tried to get in contact with you, but..."

"It's okay," She gave him a small reassuring smile. "I understand."

"Yeah," he nodded slowly. "You look... different. It's good. Your hair got longer."

She didn't know what to say so she just nodded and they continued to sit there in uncomfortable silence until Larry shifted and cleared his throat. His expression changed suddenly from awkward to nervous as he fiddled with the edge of the table before looking up into Piper's eyes.

"Piper, there are some things I want to talk about."

/

_Vause_

She had been sitting in the TV room, watching the discovery channel when Fischer came to take Piper to the visiting room. Alex watched as the blonde stood from her seat and followed the CO from the room, a look of confusion on her face. She shrugged it off, assuming that her WASPy family had come to check up on their debutante since she was out of the SHU. Or maybe her BFF Polly had come to tell her about a new soap that she had created since Piper had been imprisoned. Alex turned her attention back to the television, hardly paying attention to this week's show on lions in the wild.

It had been two weeks since Piper was released from the SHU and it was obvious that the blonde woman was ignoring Alex. The brunette assumed that Piper was still pissed at her after their last talk before she was taken away. Alex had told her that she didn't want to see or hear from her again and maybe Piper had taken her seriously for once. Instead of this news making Alex happy though, it made her feel a little empty inside.

And maybe a little bit angry too.

Her thoughts were cut off by Bennett calling her from the door way. "Vause, you have a visitor."

The fuck? Alex thought to herself as she pushed herself to her feet. She followed the young officer to the visiting room, just in time to watch Piper walk out with a completely blank expression on her face. Alex raised her perfectly sculpted eyebrow as she watched the blonde walk straight past her, completely lost in her own thoughts. She shook her head as she let Bennett pat her down before opening the door and entering the visitation room. She looked around, searching for whoever was waiting for her and frowned when she couldn't see any familiar faces.

That is until Larry Bloom stood up from his seat, giving her a steely glare.

Alex sighed, her shoulders slumping uncharacteristically in resignation as she made her way over to the table to sit in front of her ex's fiancé. They stared at each other in silence for several minutes until Alex grew bored of the game and sighed. "What do you want, Larry?"

"Well," Larry started, folding his hands on the table between them. "I assume Piper told you that I broke off our engagement before Christmas."

Alex fought hard to keep the shock from her face. She had assumed that something had happened between Larry and Piper, especially after Piper had come to her cube before the Christmas pageant. The look on Piper's face had between one of complete horror, anger and grief. She knew immediately that she had played a role in whatever had happened between them, but she didn't know that Larry had actually ended their engagement. She thought that maybe they had a fight, maybe Larry had asked for some space but that was it.

"And?" Alex finally said, keeping her face neutral.

"And I just told her that I wanted to get back together," Larry responded earnestly. "And I don't want you getting in the way, Vause."

Alex raised her eyebrow, surprised at the balls that Larry currently possessed. It only lasted for a moment before indignation and anger set in and her eyes narrowed at the man seated across from her. "Oh yeah? Why the fuck would I want to get in the way of your little marriage? Piper Chapman is a crazy bitch. I'm not stupid enough to go there again, I told you that."

"Piper Chapman is the best thing that ever happened to me," responded Larry seriously. "And I bet that's she the best thing that ever happened to you, too. Just stay away from her; she doesn't need you messing up her life anymore. You're no good for her and I am. I'm going to wait for her to get out and then we're going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. If you ever cared for her at all, you'll respect that and leave her alone."

Alex sat in a state of shock as Larry stood up from his seat after his little speech, barely giving her a glance as he left the room. She leant back in her chair, releasing a breath she hadn't realized she was holding before pushing herself away from the table and making her way out of the visiting room. She didn't know how to feel about what Larry had told her. They'd broken up at Christmas, why hadn't Piper said anything? Maybe that's why she had stopped by her cube before the Christmas play? Maybe she had been there to tell Alex that she had been wrong for choosing Larry.

Or maybe she had come to tell Alex to get fucked for probably ruining their relationship when she spoke to Larry last time.

She wandered down the hall, an empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. When she looked up from her prison issued black work shoes, she was surprised to see Piper walking not that far in front of her. Taking a deep breath, Alex lengthened her stride and caught up with the blonde, grabbing her shoulder to turn her around.

**AN: Anddd, if you guys want more, throw me some reviews. I'll update as fast as I can.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Five**

_Chapman_

Piper's head was spinning as she existed the visiting room, leaving Larry still seated at the table. She couldn't believe what she had just heard from her ex fiancé and she didn't even know how to feel. Had the man gone insane, asking for her back? What could have possibly happened in the last two months to make him think that he wanted to make Piper his wife? She had just gotten out of SHU for almost beating another prisoner to death, for fuck sake. Is that the kind of woman that he wanted to spend his life with? Piper ran her fingers through her long blonde locks as she thought about their conversation, still shaking her head as she wandered aimlessly through the prison halls.

_"Piper, there are some things that I want to talk about."_

_Piper felt a lump form in her throat as she nodded shakily at Larry's words. Of course the man deserved an explanation for her behavior since she'd entered prison. He deserved to know the complete truth about everything, especially about Alex. _

_"Of course, Larry, what do you want to talk about?"_

_"Well, I want to talk about us, actually," the man replied nervously, twisting his fingers together. "I know the last time we spoke that things didn't really go so well. I was upset and angry."_

_"You had every right to be," Piper offered sadly. _

_"I know but I still shouldn't have acted the way I did," Larry finally reached one hand across the table to grasp one of Piper's own. "I was upset and I acted before thinking about the consequences. I didn't think about what you have been going through in here and I never really took any of it seriously. I wasn't there for you as much as I should have been. I should have visited more, I should have called more. I should have written you more letters."_

_Piper's eyes were wide in shock at this unexpected turn of events. She quickly composed herself, squeezing Larry's hand as she spoke. "Larry, none of it was your fault. You __**were **__there for me. I was just... lost in here. I didn't have many people to talk to and Alex was just there. I...She...She helped me and I was so grateful to her..."_

_"You two have a lot of history," Larry surmised quite wisely. "I understand that, Piper. She can be there for you in here and I can't. But I want to do my best. I want to try."_

_"W-what?" Piper stammered, unsure of where this conversation was leading. She thought that Larry was looking for closure but now it looked like something else completely. "What are you saying?"_

_"I'm saying that I love you, Piper Chapman," Larry offered his dorky smile, the one that never failed to melt Piper's heart a little bit. "I don't want to spend my life without you, even if it means putting it on hold for five years until you get out. I want to be with you every step of the way. I want you back."_

_Piper's mouth opened and closed as she searched for something to say. She never expected this forgiveness from Larry, let alone this soon. She was so confused as she stared into the eyes of the man that she once thought she'd spend the rest of her life with. Larry had been her whole world for the last several years, but after all her time thinking in the SHU, did she still want to be with him? Would he really be able to wait for five years for her to leave prison?_

_After everything she had put him through, did he deserve any less than for her to at least try and find out?_

_"Can I have some time to think about it?" She asked, her head and heart in complete chaos. Larry gave her a reassuring smile, squeezing her hand as he nodded._

_"Of course," he said. "Take as much time as you need."_

Piper sighed softly as she leant against the wall, closing her eyes. Larry had told her to call him when she'd made her decision then he was going to visit her so they could talk about it. Deep in her heart, she knew that she wouldn't be the same woman when she left prison in five years. She didn't think she'd want to get married and have kids with her nice house and white picket fence. She didn't even know if she wanted that now. Did Larry realize any of this? Why hadn't she said that and given him something to think about as well.

She pushed away from the wall when she heard footsteps and started making her way back to her cube. There was still a little while before dinner and she wanted to go for a quick run to clear her mind. She didn't get far when she heard the footsteps quicken behind her and it took her even less time to sense who it was.

She took a deep breath when she felt Alex's strong hand grip her shoulder, turning her around to face the dark haired woman.

"Alex," she breathed.

/

_Vause _

"Alex," the blonde breathed out, immediately averting her eyes from Alex's intense gaze. Alex felt her temper rise; her frustration over the last two months since Piper had been taken to the SHU, then her anger and self-disgust at her own reaction to Piper's refusal to acknowledge her and finally her jealously over her recent conversation with Larry.

"Fuck, Piper, can you at least look at me? Can you just acknowledge that I fucking exist?" Alex said angrily, feeling her heart jump into her throat when those azure eyes immediately locked on her own.

"I know that you exist, Alex, how could I forget that?" Piper said softly after several moments of just staring into the brunette's eyes.

"You haven't fucking spoken to me since you left the SHU. A fucking hello, I'm fine, would have been nice, you know?" Alex snapped back immediately.

"You told me not to," Piper said simply, shrugging her shoulders. "You told me to leave you the fuck alone and that's exactly what I'm doing. You were right, as usual. It's better this way, for both of us."

"How is anything better this way?" Alex surprised herself by saying. "Is this not hurting you at all? Isn't it killing you to be stuck in here with me every day but feeling like there's still a brick fucking wall separating us? Cause its fucking killing me, Piper."

"You asked me not to talk to you, Alex. Of course this is hurting me, but you said that it's what you wanted, didn't you?" Piper clarified, feeling her own temper rise. "I'm not trying to hurt you."

"But you are hurting me!" Alex almost shouted, causing herself to grimace at how weak she sounded.

"I'm doing what you asked me to do!" Piper's voice finally rose along with her quickly rising temper. "I'm doing what I should have fucking done from the beginning. I should have never made an advance on you like I did. I should have never lead you on. I fucked up and I'm sorry, Alex. Can we just move on? Can we forget that any of this ever happened and just start all over again? I'm here for the next five years with you; I don't want it to be a constant rollercoaster anymore."

"What did you say to him?" Alex said, finally asking the question that she'd been dying to know the answer to since she'd left the visiting room.

"What?"

"What did you say to Larry in there?" Alex clarified. "I know you saw him; I spoke to him too. Are you really back together? Are you going to marry him?"

"Alex, why does it even matter what I'm going to do?" Piper asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. "You told me-"

"Forget what I fucking told you for a second and answer my God damn question, Piper. Are you going to marry him?" Alex spoke the last words slowly, her voice tinged with disgust at the thought of anyone marrying that idiot of a man.

"I- I don't know," Piper finally answered, her eyes welling up with tears. "He deserves better than me and I tried to tell him that but he still loves me. After everything I've done to him, he still wants to be with me."

"That's not an answer, Piper."

"Alex.." the blonde whispered, tears spilling over and coursing down her pale cheeks.

"What do you want, kid?" Alex pushed, feeling her heart pounding in her chest. "Do you want him or do you want me?"

"I..." Piper started, her eyes wide with surprise at Alex's words, shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts and running her fingers through her hair.

"It's easy, Pipes. White picket fence or a beach in Cambodia?"

There was silence for several moments, filled only with the sounds of two people breathing and two hearts racing. Finally, Piper looked up from the floor, her eyes sad as she looked at Alex.

"Neither," the blonde whispered finally, her face set and emotionless. "I don't want conventional and I don't want dangerous. So, I guess I don't choose either of you."

Alex watched as Piper turned away from her before continuing to make her way back to the dorms. She felt tears fill her eyes but she blinked them away, shaking her head at herself as she watched the blonde disappear around the corner.

"Fucking straight girls," Alex shook her head before returning to her own cube, deciding to take Piper's lead and follow her own advice for once. She was going to stay the fuck away from Piper Chapman.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Six**

_Chapman_

The next week passed slowly, the days dragging and the nights seemingly endless. Without a job or anything to do, Piper found that she spent most of her time outside or in the library. She didn't try so hard to avoid Alex now, knowing that the brunette wasn't going to try and speak to her. She had watched emotionlessly one day as Alex stepped out of the Chapel, her hair a mess and the smell of sex lingering on her skin. When Alex had seen her walking down the hallway, she had an expression on her face that Piper didn't even want to try and figure out. She didn't make eye contact or say a word, she just kept walking past her ex-girlfriend until she got to the door that led outside and onto the track and then she ran. She ran away from the feelings that were building up inside of her, the hurt of knowing that Alex was sleeping with someone else, presumably Nicky. She ran until her lungs were screaming and her legs were burning, threatening to buckle underneath her.

After her run, she had walked straight back into the building, breathing heavily as she strode determinedly towards the phones. She had to wait for several minutes but finally one opened up and she quickly dialed a number, waiting patiently until he answered.

"Piper?" Larry's voice answered, his tone excited and nervous.

"Larry," she said, taking deep breaths to calm herself. She knew she had to do this and she had to be the strong one. "I've made my decision."

"That's great! I can come by and see you on Saturday. I would see you tomorrow but I-"

"I don't want you to come and visit, Larry."

The line was silent for several moments and Piper closed her eyes as she heard Larry take a shaky breath as this information settled. It hurt but she had known for a long time now that she wasn't in love with Larry anymore. If she was completely honest with herself, she knew that she fell out of love with him the minute he wrote that article about her. She stayed with him because he was security and safety and home and she _did _love him, she just wasn't in love with him anymore. He didn't know her. He would never understand.

"Piper," Larry's voice cracked on her name and Piper felt her throat close with emotion. Damn, this was harder than she thought it would be, not that she thought it would be easy. "Pipes, we can make this work. I know five years is a long time but I love you. I just want to be with you in any way that I can."

"I'm so sorry, Larry," she managed to whisper past the lump in her throat. "I really, really did want to marry you and I could always see my future with you, but five years... I can't see anything anymore that involves living outside of these gates. Just... forget about me, find someone else that will give you the life you deserve and send me photos if you get married before I'm out. I have to go, there's a line. Goodbye Larry."

She quickly hung up the phone before he could reply and pressed her forehead against the cool wall. She wiped away the tears that threatened to fall as she mourned the future that she had always envisioned for herself. As she turned and walked away from the phones though, she couldn't help but think that despite the fact she was spending the next five years in prison, she felt free after letting Larry go. She knew it was the right thing to do, despite the ache that lingered in her chest.

A few days later, she was leaving the cafeteria after breakfast when Bennett pulled her aside. "Inmate, Caputo wants to speak to you."

She nodded, turning down the hall way that would lead to Caputo's office, knocking lightly on the door and waiting until she was called in.

"Chapman, sit down," Caputo gestured to the seat in front of his desk. Piper sat down, saying a quiet hello as she waiting for the man to speak. "Your request for a new councilor has been accepted and I will be taking that job from now on. I've got a new job assignment for you. Since Pennsyltucky is gone, the laundry is in need of extra help so there you go. You'll work in there from nine until five, every day, unless I tell you otherwise. You start now."

Piper immediately wanted to object, knowing that working in the laundry would only bring her stress if she was forced to feel Alex's eyes glaring at her during every shift. She bit back her reply and just nodded her head, standing when Caputo dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

_Fuck! Fuck. Fucking fucker. _

Out of all the jobs that she could do in prison, they had seriously decided to put her in laundry? Alex hated her enough as it was and now she was forced to work with her every day. She'd be lucky if she lived through the rest of her shift. She made her way slowly down the stairs that would lead her to the laundry room. As soon as she walked in the room, it was as if everyone just stopped and stared at her. Pennsyltucky's groupies just gazed at her with wide open mouths and horrified eyes. She flashed them a smirk before turning to a woman named Casey who worked there. She was a middle aged woman that kept mostly to herself and she just raised an eyebrow at Piper when she stopped in front of her.

"Can I help you, Chapman?"

"I've been assigned to work here; can you show me how things go?" Piper asked politely, flinching when she heard the voice behind her.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

Piper didn't even turn around; she just took a deep breath before looking up into Casey's dark brown eyes. "...Please."

"Sure, kid, I'll show you the ropes. Come on."

/

_Vause_

Alex could only watch with horrified eyes as Piper was led off by Casey towards the back of the room where the dryers were kept. The one place she had in prison where she could avoid Piper, except for on her laundry day. Now, she'd have to see her every day, working in close proximity to her. It was just her fucking luck really that Piper would be put to work here. Alex could never catch a fucking break.

She spent her shift folding clothes and unloading the dryers while Piper loaded and unloaded the washing machines and took other inmates clothes to be cleaned. They didn't speak, nor did they even look at each until it was time to go. Alex watched as Piper looked up at the clock after turning off all the washing machines, breathing a small sigh of relief when she realized her shift was over. Alex watched as she thanked Casey who had stuck by her most of the day before leaving the room. Alex slammed the door of the dryer closed, pushing down the anger and hurt as she turned to leave as well. She saw Nicky waiting for her at the door and gave her a weak smile before starting to walk up the stairs.

"Did I just pass Chapman on my way down here?" Nicky asked as they made their way to A Dorms.

"Yeah, she was assigned to laundry since she isn't allowed in electric," Alex said, completely miserable as Nicky reached over and patted her sympathetically on the shoulder.

"It could always be worse, Vause," Nicky said lightly. "You could always have Pennslytucky back."

"Today, I almost wished that she was," I muttered, earning a surprised look from Nicky.

"Shit, did something happen between you two? I mean, I know you're on the outs, but this is some serious hate right here?"

"We spoke," I answered vaguely, shrugging my shoulders in forced nonchalance.

"And?" Nicky questioned insistently, raising her eyebrows. "What? Did she fuck you and leave you again? I thought she was marrying that guy?"

"She is," I answered, turning my head to catch Nicky's eyes. She gave me a knowing look, nodding her head before changing the subject, mentioning that she was sure that tonight was definitely taco night. I couldn't help but smile, even though I knew for a fact that it was chicken and rice.

/

It had been three days since Piper had started working in the laundry and Alex continued to ignore the blonde even as they worked side by side. At the end of each shift, Piper would silently leave and Alex would breathe a sigh of relief as she felt the tension slowly leave her body. Today was no different as she watched Piper turn off the last washing machine before looking up at the clock. She watched silently as Piper's eyes fluttered closed, her shoulders slumping as she mumbled something under her breath before her blue eyes opened and she turned to leave, walking past Alex without a word.

Alex let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding before she finished folding her last pair of khaki pants, turning around to close the dryer door when she felt something slam against the side of her head.

"You stupid bitch, you brought her in here!"

Alex's vision blurred as her glasses flew from her face, her cheek burning before something hit her again. It took her a moment before she realized it was a dryer door and she stumbled this time, raising her hand to shield her face as she felt her temper rise.

"If it wasn't for you, Chapman wouldn't be fucking working in here, you fucking dyke!"

"Son of a bitch," Alex growled murderously as she stared at the blurry outline of Leann. She didn't know whether to pick up her glasses first or punch the stupid bitch in the face. In the next moment, none of it mattered as she watched as Leann was suddenly thrown into the dryer before her. She squinted, barely making out the suddenly terrified look on the bible bashers face before her dirty blonde hair was grabbed in a strong fist and her head was smashed violently against the dryer.

She leant down to pick up her glasses as she heard Leann's face being smashed into the dryer repeatedly. She quickly pushed them onto her face, looking up just as Piper pushed Leann's bruised face into the dryer, leaning forwards to whisper in her ear.

"Don't you ever fucking touch her again, you piece of shit, you hear me?"

Alex watched with wide eyes, staring at a woman she hardly recognized. There was a glint in Piper's eyes, a new fire that seemed to be burning as she held Leann pressed against the dryer, arm muscles rippling. She could only stand there and watch as the smaller blonde whimpered in fear, nodding her head as much as she could with Piper's hand gripping her hair.

"If any of the CO's ask about your face, you tell them that you fell, got it? Oh, and make sure you put her fucking mattress back before dinner is over or I will make what I did to Pennslytucky's face look like a paper cut compared to what I'll do to you."

Alex watched as Piper gave Leann one final push before pulling away from her. She didn't even look at Alex as she turned and walked straight out of the laundry door. The brunette gazed after her in disbelief, hardly even noticing when Leann scrambled away from her in terror. It took several moments before she could finally move, her feet taking her back to her dorm without her even having to think about it. She was completely lost in her thoughts, so confused over what had just happened. It had all happened so quickly.

With a sigh, she rubbed her cheek with her hand, pushing the thoughts away. She didn't want to think about what Piper had just done, or how the blonde defending her had made her feel. She didn't want to know why she had done it, didn't want to get her hopes up.

But then she walked back into her cube and saw her fucking mattress on her bed and damn if that didn't make her grin like an idiot and want to kiss Piper so fucking hard. Maybe her lucky was starting to turn around.

**AN: Sorry for taking a while to update. I've actually been writing another OitNB story, which will be uploaded shortly. Don't forget to review!**


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: Hey guys, sorry it's taken me a while to update this story. I should really learn to only ever write one piece at a time, cause it can give me writers block on some of my stories. Also, there might be a little wait for the next chapter while I decide which way I want to take this story. I had my mind made up but now I'm not so sure. Anyway, leave me some reviews or send me a PM and tell me what you think and I'll try and update as soon as I can. _

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Seven**

_Chapman_

Piper couldn't be gladder when she woke up on Saturday morning, especially after the incident the day before in the laundry room. She was immensely relieved that it was the weekend and she didn't have to spend the day at work with Alex, avoiding her gaze as she tried to think of how she could explain what had happened. How could she explain it to Alex when she didn't understand it herself? She knew that Alex wanted her to leave her alone and yet she had rushed into something that was none of her fucking business, once again. She still couldn't believe what she had done; it had all happened so fast. Her body had reacted without thought when she heard the bang from the laundry room as she was making her way up the stairs and back to her cubicle. She had raced back down, just in time to see Leann slam the dryer door into Alex's face for the second time. Everything that happened after was a complete blur, all Piper saw was red and the next thing she knew, she was pushing the bible basher away from her and making her way back to her room. She had skipped dinner, opting for her left over commissary food, unwilling to face Alex in the cafeteria, though she had passed by the brunette's bunk to make sure her mattress had been returned.

She was terrified of what would happen when she finally ran into Alex. What would the dark haired woman think about her stepping in a defending her like that? Would she think that Piper had lost her mind? Would she be angry that she stepped in on her own fight? Piper had pushed the thoughts away, keeping to herself for the rest of the night and going to bed early, pretending to be asleep until Taystee shook her for last count.

She pushed herself out of bed at five am, grabbing her toiletries before making her way to the showers. Even though it was the weekend, she still liked to shower early and take her time washing while the other inmates slept in. She made her way into the bathroom, hearing only a few other early risers taking their showers before hopping in the closest one. She turned on the hot water, luxuriating in the warmth for several moments before she started to wash her body. She stayed in the shower until she could hear other women start to enter the room before getting out and grabbing her towel. As she picked it up, she felt eyes burning into her skin and looked up to see Alex watching her intently.

Her heart stopped, her breath catching in her chest almost painfully as she caught the brunette's gaze. Alex was wrapped in her towel, hiding her most private parts but leaving plenty of pale, bare skin for Piper to admire, which she took several long moments to do. Her dark hair fell over her shoulders and she was staring into Piper's eyes, her grey orbs clear without her glasses concealing them and full of emotion. It only lasted a moment but it felt like hours until her heart thumped excruciatingly hard in her chest, startling her out of her daydream. She quickly looked away, wrapping the measly excuse for a towel around her body and proceeded to dry herself off. She pulled on her clothes without looking up before grabbing her things and making her way to the mirrors. Breathing out a shaky breath, she looked up at her reflection, almost jumping when she saw Alex standing behind her.

"Can I borrow your tweezers?" The brunette asked her casually after several moments of silence, as if they interacted with each other every day and this was completely normal. "I broke mine, stupid piece of plastic crap, and they're out at commissary."

Piper thought of several witty comments she could say but she swallowed them down. She wasn't Alex's friend and she had no right to make friendly conversation with her. That didn't mean she couldn't let her borrow her tweezers though.

"Sure," Piper said, proud at how even her voice sounded on that one word before handing the brunette her plastic tweezers. She didn't make eye contact, though her heart skipped a beat when their fingers brushed, sending bolts of electricity up her arm. _Fuck. _

"Piper," Alex said once she'd used the tweezers and handed them back, putting her hand out as the blonde turned to leave. "Come on."

"Come on, what?" Piper said softly, still unwilling to look up into those grey eyes that always managed to hold her captive. She didn't understand why Alex was talking to her, especially after the last talk they had. Was it because of what happened in the laundry room? Was this the part when Alex told her to back off and leave her alone?

"You were right when you said that we were here together for another five years and that it didn't have to be a rollercoaster. Honestly, it's taking too much of my energy to keep hating you for not picking me. I know we've never been friends before, but maybe we can try?"

_Apparently not. _

Piper finally looked up from the bathroom tiles, staring into Alex's eyes as she considered her words. She had never expected to hear anything like this from Alex, especially recently. She had expected to be hated, ignored at the very least, but this was something else altogether. Did she think that she and Alex could be friends? Highly unlikely. Did she want to try anyway? Yeah, she did.

Five years was too long to stay away from Alex Vause anyway, even if she had tried to denying it to herself.

"Okay," she finally answered, smiling at the brunette who gave her signature smirk back.

"Okay," Alex nodded before turning back to the mirror and pulling out her toothbrush. Piper stared at her for another few moments, a small smile playing her lips before she turned to leave the bathroom, wondering what a friendship with Alex Vause would be like.

"Oh, and Piper?" Alex called out to her, causing Piper to stop and look over her shoulder at the brunette. She met the woman's fiery gaze in the mirror, feeling a shiver run up her spine at the almost wolfish grin on Alex's face. "Thanks for the mattress."

And wondering how long it would last.

/

_Vause_

After fixing her hair and brushing her teeth, Alex made her way back to her cube to put her things away. She had stayed up late last night, thinking about the last few months and sorting out her thoughts and feelings. Even though she still hadn't quite forgiven Piper yet, she found it hard to stick to her word to stay away from the blonde, especially after Piper had so gallantly defended her yesterday, not to mention getting her mattress back. It was just _too hard _to stay away from the blonde, no matter how psycho fucking crazy she was.

And _that body. Fuck._

Her mind had been completely made up when she stepped out of the shower to see Piper standing there, completely naked. She had admired the woman's body from afar on many separate occasions since Piper left the SHU, but this was the first time she had seen what was hidden beneath her khaki uniform. She had been instantly wet as she watched Piper lean over to pick up her towel, her firm ass on perfect display for Alex's hungry eyes. She hadn't been able to look away, even when Piper looked up and caught her watching, her blue eyes surprised as they met Alex's lust filled gaze. She'd never been more disappointed in her life when Piper wrapped that towel around her body and walked away.

And so, what mastermind plan did Alex think up? She asked Piper to be friends with her. Fucking friends; like a God damn child in the school yard.

_I'm not ready for anything more than that,_ Alex thought to herself firmly as she picked up a book and sat down on her bed to read. _Though, if she asked me to join her in the chapel…_

_No, _Alex shook her head with a frown. She wasn't going to go there with Piper again. She could handle being friends with the blonde but she knew if she did anything more than that, she would be sucked right back into the drama filled life of one Piper Chapman. She just wasn't ready for anything more than friendship.

_Not yet, anyway. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Eight**

It was Sunday morning and Piper stood in the doorway of the rec room, watching as the other inmates decorated it for another going away party. She'd hardly ever spoken to the woman that was leaving, only knowing that she nicknamed Storm due to her hurricane temper. She was bunked in the White Suburbs though so she watched as the A Dorm girls and a few of the Ghetto girls hung toilet paper from the windows and made colourful signs. The blonde constantly found her eyes drifting to Alex, who stood in the middle of the room, holding a ladder for Nicky who was hanging a sign. She watched, her brow furrowing thoughtfully as Alex rested her hand on Nicky's calf while laughing at something that the crazy haired inmate said. Midway through her chuckles, Alex turned her head and caught Piper's gaze, giving her a ghost of a wink before turning away again. Piper could only try and swallow her heart which had jumped into her throat at the tiny amount of interaction between them.

She hadn't spoken to the brunette since their meeting in the showers yesterday morning. She'd spent the rest of the day outside; watching as a large group of girls ran around, looking for the chicken that Poussey claimed to have spotted while looking out of the window. She'd sat in the middle of the track with Watson, eating candy bars while they watched women of all ages and race run around the yard. She'd been surprised when Janae had turned to her suddenly and asked her what was wrong.

_"You be lookin' pensive and shit today, Chapman," Watson asked her as she pulled pieces of grass from the ground and twirled them between her long fingers. "Even more serious than usual, since you been out of the box. What's going on in that blonde head of yours?"_

_"What do you care?" It slipped out of the blonde's mouth before she could even think. There was no edge to her voice, only curiosity as she met her ex workmates gaze. She knew that Watson considered them even since Piper had gotten the track reopened, and even respected her after her fight with Tiffany and spending six weeks in the SHU but that didn't exactly make them friends. _

_"I don't," Janae answered honestly with a small shrug. "But I've been takin' some pointers from Jones; she ain't that bad, y'know. Might as well make life easier for ourselves in here and it's nice to have some friendly faces. Plus, you've been basically adopted in the Ghetto; we're practically sisters now or some shit, right?"_

_Piper couldn't help but laugh softly at her words. "Sisters?"_

_"We're all family in here, and you help out your family. I mean, them white bitches all got Red as they mamma. Even the Spanish mami's have Gloria and Diaz helping them all out. All we got in here is our people, it just took me a while to figure that out," Janae said, watching as Taystee and Poussey ran through the yard with a small smile. "So, what's on your mind, girl?"_

_"Alex," Piper answered simply. _

_"The giant?" Janae questioned. "I thought you two was over and she was with Red's girl now?"_

_"We are and she is," Piper said with a shrug, ignoring the twinge in her chest at the thought of Alex with her fingers buried to the hilt inside of Nicky. "But, now she wants to be friends and I'm not sure I can or if I even know how."_

_"What went down with you two anyway?" The other woman asked after several moments of thoughtful silence. "I mean, everyone knows you two have some crazy ass history and that you're both in for drugs but was you her bitch or what?"_

_"Something like that," Piper chuckled. "We knew each other a long time ago but we stopped talking for eight years and then I got sent to prison and bam, here she is. And then I found out some things while I was here and even though I fucked up too, I don't know... It's all just fucked up."_

_They sat there in silence for a while, watching as the CO's finally came out and rounded up all the girls, berating them for being so stupid again. It wasn't until they were getting up to go back inside until Watson finally spoke. _

_"Well, Jones always says that it's hard to forget the past but, forgiveness is the only way you're gonna start, you know? I mean, it's a new year, Chapman and you're a new woman; what does the past matter anymore anyway?"_

Piper had spent the rest of the day, night and next morning considering Janae's words. She had never been good at forgiving, a trait that she shared in common with her ex-girlfriend. Alex could hold a grudge, she knew, but she also knew that Alex could put things behind her much easier than Piper ever could. Alex could reign in her temper and let things go if it suited her purpose. Piper, on the other hand, had a hair trigger temper that she had to fight to control at the best of times, a mouth that spouted unfiltered words and a tendency to hold on to things with a white knuckled grip.

But that was the old Piper, wasn't it? She _had _changed, or at least she was trying to and that was a start.

_It's a new year and I'm a new woman, _Piper thought to herself with a firm nod as she walked over to one of the tables that held decorations and supplies. She would let the past go and stop thinking about the future and just embrace the present. She picked up a roll of tape before walking over to where Alex was still holding the ladder for Nichols, looking up at the redhead just as she started to speak.

"This isn't sticking, I need more- Oh, hey Chapman," Nicky grinned down at the blonde who in turn held up the roll of tape she was holding in her hands. "Oh man, I've missed you in electrical. I have to ask those fuckin' girls seven times before they hand me a fuckin' tool when we're out on jobs."

Piper only smiled as she passed the tape to Nicky, who ripped off a piece with her teeth and stuck the edge of the sign to the ceiling with a satisfied nod before starting to climb down. Piper turned her head away when Alex held out her hand to her new prison girlfriend, helping her climb down the last few steps.

"How gallant of you, Miss Vause," Nicky teased as she picked up the ladder and carried it over to the wall where Norma and Yoga Jones were trying to attach coloured toilet paper to the window. "Do you hold open doors and buy girls flowers before you pluck their cherries too?"

Piper tried in vain to hold back her snort of laughter, much to Alex's outrage. The raven haired inmate turned to her in mock anger, pointing a finger accusingly at the blonde. "Hey, I brought you flowers!"

"No," Piper snickered, shaking her head. "You've brought flowers when we were having people over, to place on the table. You _picked _me a handful of weeds and _one _flower when we were walking back to our hotel in Paris, drunk, after that party we went to. Once."

"Oh, aren't you just a hopeless romantic, Vause," Nicky scoffed, taking the toilet paper from Norma and holding it in place while Jones taped it to the glass. "I bet you're one of those people that say 'It's the thought that counts,' aren't you."

"Shut up," Alex laughed, adjusting her glasses and giving a little shrug. She turned to Piper who had sat down at one of the tables and had started to decorate a small sign to hang up. She leant against the edge of the table, lowering her voice when she finally did speak. "I'm sorry, kid."

"For what?" Piper looked up at Alex, who was playing with a piece of paper and avoiding her eyes.

"For never buying you flowers. That's something girlfriends are supposed to do."

Piper chuckled, shaking her head before picking up her sharpie and continuing to colour. "You gave me orgasms; I appreciated them more than any flower you could have gotten me."

They stayed there in comfortable silence until Taystee and Poussey raced through the doors, claiming that Storm was on her way. Piper was content to just watch as the woman walked in and was immediately surrounded by well-wishers and friends. Her mind went to her own farewell party, that wouldn't happen for another five years now. She could have been here for only another few months if she hadn't had that fight with Tiffany. Her sentence would have been almost over. She was pulled from her somber thoughts by Alex's low voice.

"Don't worry, kid," Alex said softly, resting her pale hand on Piper's shoulder comfortingly. "Your day will come."

As the warmth of Alex's hand penetrated her skin, Piper couldn't help but smile as she nodded. Her time would come, but right now, she was happy to just wait if it meant leaving this feeling behind.

/

Piper wandered around the yard, having left the party and the noise behind almost an hour ago. She had watched from the sidelines as music was played, refusing Boo's offer to dance lest she get thrown back in the SHU for lesbian activity. She watched as Nicky practically dragged Alex onto the floor, grinding up against her while staring intently into the brunette's eyes. Piper had felt her stomach twist and had immediately left the party and the dancers behind, missing the uncomfortable look Alex threw over her shoulder towards where the blonde had been seated only seconds after she'd left.

She sat in her usual spot, underneath the tree where she usually went to read if the Ghetto dorm was too loud. She stared across the yard with unseeing eyes, trying to ignore the uncomfortable sensation in her chest and the painful twisting in her belly. Why should she care if Alex and Nicky were sleeping together, maybe even more than that? She'd only just become friends with Alex again and she had no right to have any feelings about whether or not she chose she have a relationship with another inmate.

An inmate that was specifically not Piper.

She should push away the urge to sob like a child and use this information in a more positive way; like moving on from Alex Vause. If Alex was with someone else, it really left Piper no choice but to get over her and their whirlwind relationship. So, why the fuck did it only make her want Alex even more? Why was she outside moping when she should be inside, enjoying the party with her friends?

So lost in her thoughts, her body reacted to the noise before her mind even registered what it was. Her hand shot out reflexively, wrapping around something thin and soft, causing the noise to become louder. She blinked repeatedly as her sensitive ears protested the noise before focusing on what was in her hands.

She'd caught the fucking chicken, without even trying.

_Well, _Piper thought to herself with a grin as she wrapped her fingers tighter around the chickens next. _Look on the bright side; at least I'll have something good for dinner tonight. _

_Even if Nichols got Alex for dessert._


	9. Chapter 9

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Nine**

_Vause_

"Next."

Alex held out her hands for her dinner tray, raising an eyebrow when Norma looked at her for a few moments before scurrying away. She immediately started to wonder what she could have possibly done wrong this time for Red to starve her out. She watched as Norma returned from the kitchen, tray in hand and a large grin on her face, with Red following behind her. If possible, Alex's eyebrow raised even further at the shit eating grin on the Russian's face as Norma passed the brunette her tray.

"Your girl fucking did it," Red laughed, with what looked like tears swimming in her eyes. Alex could only stare at the red headed woman in confusion until Red leant in, whispering excitedly. "She fucking caught her. Asked for you to have the biggest parts, give her little bit, give Nicky little bit and Lorna little bit then fry left overs for her table. I finally get to eat r_eal _chicken kiev! Ha!"

Alex could only watch bemusedly as Red walked away, shaking her head and laughing to herself. It was only then that she noticed the amazing smell coming from her tray and looked down to find a large piece of chicken that looked _fucking amazing. _With some salad on the side and several roast potatoes and carrots, it was easily the best meal she would have eaten since she entered prison. She walked to her usual table, never taking her eyes away from her tray as she sat down next to Nicky.

"Is this real?" She muttered under her breath, not expecting an answer.

"Is what real?" Nicky replied, turning towards the brunette. She laughed when she saw Alex's expression, nudging her shoulder. "Oh, the chicken? It's fuckin' awesome, I'm telling you, man. Chapman is on my Christmas card list, until the day I fuckin' die."

Alex turned in her seat, searching for the blonde and finding her at the Ghetto table where she usually sat, between Sophia and Taystee. They seemed to be having a small party of sorts; there was a lot of laughing and smiling and Taystee had her arm around Piper's shoulders, giving her a one armed hug. Alex could see from where she sat that they mostly had rib pieces and drumsticks, but they seemed very happy about it. Piper looked up and caught her gaze for the briefest of moments, giving her a half grin before turning back to Poussey, who was eating her chicken with outrageous facial expressions and moaning in pleasure.

Alex turned back to her tray, picked up her knife and fork and thought of all the ways she could thank Piper as she took her first bite of chicken. Poussey's moans of pleasure over her dinner would have nothing on the sounds she'd pull from Piper when she got her hands on her.

/

_Chapman_

After dinner, Piper returned to the Ghetto with the rest of her dorm mates and picked up a book off of her desk. She took a few moments to look through the new pile of letters on her desk, mostly from family and sighed when she saw one from Larry. She had taken him off her visitation a few weeks ago and she hadn't spoken to him since she'd told him to move on. She picked up the letter, gazing at it thoughtfully as she turned it over in her hands before dropping it back on the table and leaving her cube. With her book tucked under her arm, she made her way to the library to spend her time reading before last count.

The library was mostly empty when she entered, with only a few women that she didn't know scattered at the tables. She made her way down one of the aisles and sat on the floor, resting her back against the bookshelf behind her and opening her book on her lap. She'd gotten through half a paragraph when someone sat down beside her and Piper smiled without even looking up as she breathed in Alex's scent. God, she always smelled so good, even in prison.

"You are an angel," the low, familiar voice spoke huskily, right into her ear. Piper resisted a shudder as the warm breath raised goose bumps on her skin. It was insane that even after everything that happened between them, Alex could still affect her the way she did.

"I don't know about that," she replied, attempting to focus her attention on the words before her and failing miserably. "I got in a fight with one once and I'm probably not in God's good books, so..."

Alex laughed softly, reaching out to gently push a strand of Piper's hair behind her ear, running her fingertips lightly across the side of her neck as she pulled back. Piper swallowed heavily, hoping that Alex's couldn't see her throat moving or her erratic pulse beating in her neck. It was pounding painfully against her chest and she fought every instinct she had to turn and look at Alex, instead keeping her eyes firmly on her book.

They were just friends and friends don't stare at their ex-girlfriends like love struck teenagers.

"I wanted to thank you for dinner, it was really amazing." As she said the words, Piper felt soft lips lightly brush against her jaw, a hot tongue flicking against her skin. The blonde couldn't help the shiver that run through her body or the strangled moan that escape her mouth. Having Alex so close was driving her insane and her entire body felt like it was on fire.

"It was the best thing I've eaten in months, even Nicky almost cried when she saw it," Alex chuckled as she leant her shoulder against Piper's. "And look, I know that we're trying to be friends, but-"

As Alex spoke, she gently rested her fingertips on Piper's jaw, turning the blonde's head so she could look into her eyes as she spoke. Her words caught in her throat when she finally caught Piper's gaze, because the Piper she'd seen the last few days was nowhere to be found and she was met with a cold, blank stare.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Piper said her voice monotone before she closed her book and stood up. She ignored the brunette's spluttering as she left the library, along with the sound of her name being called. Her heart had switched itself off the moment she'd heard Nicky's name from Alex's mouth and remember that they were a _thing _now. She'd completely forgotten the moment Alex sat down beside her and felt her lips on her skin and the familiar warmth of her body. She knew from even those small touches that Alex had been seducing her and she also knew that it was only because she felt in debt to the blonde for her dinner. Alex had never liked owing anyone anything so of course she would try to make them even.

God, did Alex not realize that they'd never be even in Piper's books? Because Piper knew that she could never, ever make up for all the shit that she'd put the brunette through. Alex didn't owe her a damn fucking thing and she'd make sure she knew it when she next saw her. She didn't want payment in sex from her girlfriend, especially when she knew that she belonged to someone else.

Piper laid down on her bed, ignoring Taystee who looked at her curiously from across the cube. She pulled her blanket up around her shoulders, feeling sick to her stomach at the thought of Alex with Nicky. The brunette was probably with her new prison girlfriend right now, in her bunk, touching her the way Piper wanted Alex to touch her. She imagined Alex's lips trailing across Nicky's skin and her hands underneath her shirt, caressing every inch of her.

"Hey, Chapman," Taystee said tentatively from her bunk. "You be lookin' kinda green. Should I-"

Taystee's hand grabbed the small metal trash can just as Piper leant over the edge of the bed, pushing it underneath her as the blonde retched and emptied her stomach into the bin. Piper groaned as she felt her stomach twist painfully, her eyes watering in pain and sadness.

"Such a waste," Piper heard Taystee say with a sigh. "You coulda used them calories from that chicken, too."

When Piper finally leant back in bed, she watched as Taystee picked up her trash can and took it to be emptied. She gave the woman a grateful smile before sighing and reaching for the letters on her desk. She stared at the one on top for several minutes, a small frown on her face before she turned it over and ripped it open. She closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths before she read the words written in Larry's familiar scrawl.

_AN: Hey guys, just want to let you know how much I appreciate all the followers, favourites and reviews. I've finally figured out which direction I'm taking this story, and I'm pretty happy with it so far. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. _


	10. Chapter 10

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Ten**

_Chapman_

She knew it was unavoidable, and had been waiting for it since the day she was released from the SHU. If her head hadn't been so completely messed up, she might have even been ready for it, but she wasn't. If she had paid more attention, she would have heard the whispers, felt the eyes watching her but her mind was static. She wasn't ready.

She woke up in the same position she fell asleep in, curled up on her side with Larry's letter held tightly in her fingers. She slowly untangled herself from her blanket, sitting on the edge of her bed and slipped on her shower shoes as she straightened out the piece of paper on her lap. She let her red rimmed eyes wander over the words, feeling the lump in her throat return as she read the letter for the tenth time.

_Dear Piper,_

_I don't know how you're feeling about me right now; all I know is how I feel about you. It's my job to be good with words, but this is so hard to write. I miss you, you know. When I found out you were going to prison, I didn't think it would be so bad, but I was wrong. I thought I'd be able to see you all the time, to hear your voice on the phone. I thought it'd be like you'd gone away for work for a year and then you'd come back to me, the same woman I'd fallen in love with. _

_I guess that was a little naive of me, wasn't it._

_As I told you when I saw you last, despite everything that has happened, my feelings haven't changed. I know that you're a different woman now, I couldn't see it before but I guess that's because I didn't want to. I guess I just want to apologize, for everything. I know you said that there was nothing for me to be sorry for, but there is. I knew there would be consequences for writing that column and the radio interview, but if I had known what it would cost me, I wouldn't have done it. I'm sorry that I lied about Alex and that I didn't accept your calls and that I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most. I'm really sorry, Pipes._

_If you could just put me back on visitation, I would really like to see you. I know that things have probably changed even more since we spoke last, maybe you even have a new prison girlfriend now, but it doesn't matter to me. If you don't want to see me, then at least write to me. I want to hear about everything, to know what's going on inside those walls, to know more about who you are._

_I want you know the __**real **__you, if you'll let me. _

_If I don't hear from you, I know what your answer is, but I really hope that I do. _

_Love always,_

_Larry._

She carefully folded the letter before resting it lightly on her desk; as if afraid it would turn to ashes if she was too rough. She hadn't realized until she'd read the words that she'd been waiting to hear them. She thought that she'd let it all go, but it was clear to her now that she'd just buried it. Beneath all the pain and the rage, there had still been some hope that Larry could still love her, even as the woman she was now. She didn't think Larry should have apologized for anything, but she still wanted to hear it anyway.

A part of her, though small and buried deep under the surface, still craved the safety net under her crazy life on the tight rope. She was human, after all.

The blonde felt her weariness settle deep in her bones as she picked up her towel and her shower products before making her way slowly to the bathroom. It was five am; her normal shower time and she let her mind wander, knowing that most of the inmates were still asleep. She tried not to think about the fact that Alex would probably be there soon; she didn't know if she could deal with the dark haired woman this morning. If she hadn't been so lost in her thoughts, she would have noticed the unnatural silence as she walked into the bath room. She would have noticed the lack of other early morning risers, taking their showers before the line formed. If she hadn't been so tired, she would have noticed the shadows on the floor as she pulled her shirt over her head.

She stepped into one of the stalls, turning on the hot water and waiting until it was lukewarm before stepping underneath the dismal spray. It felt almost like standing under light rain and she wished more than ever for some damn water pressure so she could actually feel something this morning.

Then there was a flash of color as the shower curtain was thrown open and lots of rapid moment and it looked like she was getting her wish, because she was definitely feeling something.

It took several moments too long but finally her sluggish body reacted, her eyes catching a glimpse of rotted teeth and blonde hair as her arm struck out and connected with something hard. Even with the pain tearing through her abdomen, she still managed to smile as she watched Leann fly backwards, her feet catching awkwardly on the bench where she had rested her towel and falling backwards to land on the floor with an echoing crack. She watched as something rolled out the meth heads hands and frowned at the blood stained screwdriver as it rolled across the floor.

It was same one she had tried to defend herself with against Tiffany, the blonde wondered where she had gotten it from.

Using her own weapon against her; now that had a little bit more meaning than Doggett's note and the dead rat left on her desk. Past the static, her ears registered a scuffle, but she paid it no mind as she felt her knees getting weak. She looked down, trying in vain to cover the gaping wound on her stomach with her hands and wondering how something so small could make such a big mess.

_Must have dragged it to the side when she stabbed me, _her mind offered, _smart girl. That'll be hard to fix. _

"Stupid bitches, why are they blocking the fuckin' door?" Piper recognized the voice immediately as Nicky's and stifled a groan at her bad luck. There was only one reason that Nicky would be showering this early and that would be to fuck Alex Vause in the shower. Lucky bitch.

She prayed that she would drop unconscious before they started.

"Fuck knows," she finally heard Alex's low voice, still raspy with sleep. "Probably having a secret meeting with J-"

Her words were cut off abruptly, just as Piper's legs gave out and she crumpled to the floor. She heard movement, but she was finding it hard to keep her eyes open as a shadow stepped in front of her stall.

"_Fuck,_" It was Nicky and Piper prayed that she'd move so her last glimpse could be of Alex. The woman was fucking infuriating but God damn, she was beautiful. "Vause, call a fucking CO!"

"For Taylor? Fuck that, let the bi- _Shit._"

She was slightly blurry and her hair was a mess, but fuck, she still managed to look gorgeous. Piper figured she must have said it out loud because Alex raised her eyebrow, a smile turning up the corner of her mouth briefly as she knelt at the blonde's side.

"Fuck, Pipes, I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?" Alex muttered as she carefully moved the blonde's hands away from her stomach, hissing when she caught a glimpse of the wound. She heard Nicky say something about getting her out of the shower and away from the fungus, but all she felt was Alex's arms wrapped around her as she lifted her up and the next moment, she was curled up in her arms.

"Damn, kid," Piper felt the brunette's lips in her hair as she buried her face in Alex's neck. "You gotta stay with me, okay? Nicky's gone to get help, but you gotta stay awake. Think of the story you'll have; getting shanked by another Jesus freak, only to kick her ass too."

"She said," Piper started, clearing her voice as it wavered before continuing. "Something about finishing what Tiffany started. Is she dead?"

"I don't think so," Alex muttered, looking over her shoulder. "But I don't think she's getting up anytime soon."

"God," the blonde chuckled, unsure whether her body was shaking from laughter or from the cold that was starting to sweep through her. "Larry might change his mind when he hears about this."

There was silence for a few moments and Piper was fighting to keep her eyes open when Alex spoke. "Change his mind about what?"

"Getting to know the _real _me," Piper replied, her voice starting to slur. She felt Alex run her hands up and down her arms, sending a little bit of warmth seeping into her skin but it wasn't enough. It felt nice though, those familiar hands on her skin, comforting.

"I know the _real _you, and this isn't it, kid," Alex said, her voice low as she spoke right into the blonde's ear. "This is just a part of the enigma that is Piper Chapman, one of the great mysteries of the world. Stay awake, now."

"I've never been a mystery to you. You always knew me, right from the start," Piper could hear the sound of running feet, loud voices and radio static as she spoke, but she ignored it. All that matter was the woman that was holding in her arms. "You figured me out the first time you looked into my eyes."

"It wasn't hard," Alex whispered, just as Piper felt her eyes flutter closed, the darkness pulling at her. "I just felt like I had found the other part of me that I hadn't realized was missing."

"Inevitable," Piper whispered.

And then everything was quiet.

_AN: I bet you weren't expecting that. If you've read any of my other stories, you know I like to throw a lot of twists into the mix. Let me know what you think of this chapter and I'll try to update soon. Might be a few days though because I'm going to be pretty busy with work this week but I'll see what I can do._


	11. Chapter 11

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Eleven**

_Vause _

_"Inevitable."_

It felt as if everything was moving in slow motion, yet it was all happening so fast. Alex never would have expected in a million years to walk into that bathroom to find Piper curled up in a pool of her own blood, tiny, frail looking hands desperately covering a gaping wound in her belly. She should have known something was wrong when she saw those Jesus freaks guarding the bathroom door, but Piper was a badass now, she could take care of herself, couldn't she? She had beaten Pennsyltucky to a pulp and almost split Taylor skull open on a dryer, she was hardcore.

What the hell had gone wrong?

When she'd heard the hesitation in Nicky's voice, she knew something was wrong. She just never expected it to be Piper on the ground, skin ashen and blood splattered over the shower stall like a fucking horror movie. She didn't know how long the blonde had been there for, but she could tell that she wasn't completely with it when Piper told her that she always looked so fucking hot in the morning. Despite the offer of friendship that Piper had accepted, the blonde had still kept her walls up around Alex, kept her heart tucked firmly beneath her sleeve, out of grasp.

She lifted the blonde off the disgusting floor and sat down on the bench, cradling the woman in her arms. She seemed so small now, even with the impressive amount of muscle that rippled across her body. Her hands clung to Alex's shoulders like a lifeline and the brunette held her as tightly as she could while still being careful not to hurt her ex-girlfriend. She picked up Piper's towel, holding it against the jagged gash on the blonde's stomach as Nicky raced off to find a CO. It felt like forever as they sat there and Alex hardly even noticed the blood that completely soaked her khaki's as she held Piper in her arms, talking to her to keep her awake.

Just as Nicky burst back into the room with Bennett close on her heels, Alex felt her heart stop in her chest as Piper went limp in her arms. That's when time seemed to stand still for her, fighting to urge to cry as she looked down into Piper's slack face, her beautiful lips slightly parted. She was vaguely aware of herself yelling, screaming at the blonde to stay awake.

_"Don't you fucking leave me, don't you dare!"_

And then Piper was snatched from her arms and everything seemed to speed up again as she watched Bennett race from the room, yelling for back up.

"_Fuck,_" Nicky breathed out, running one hand through her tangled mane of hair while she rested the other on Alex's shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Fuck," Alex agreed shakily.

/

_Chapman_

She remembered bright lights and loud voices and the beeping of machines and pain, searing pain that made her want to scream. She remembered being held down, coldness constricting her wrists as she tried to move. Someone shouted and then there was a sharp pain in her neck and then darkness again.

The same coldness was still constricting her wrists but she wasn't fighting it anymore. She felt nothing and it was absolute fucking bliss as she laid on what she could only assume was a cloud. There was something annoying her though, something buzzing in her ear and the corner of her eye twitched as she tried to ignore it. It only got louder and eventually the buzzing morphed into a voice, which still sounded far away but was more familiar to Piper than the back of her hand.

She remembered drinking at bars on campus and making soaps in the kitchen and eating tubs of ice cream on the couch, watching Sex and the City.

"Come on, Piper, you stupid bitch, wake up before I kick your ass from sun up to sun down," Polly's voice was finally clear as Piper fought to open her eyes.

"I'd like to see you try, skank," Piper managed to reply, her voice hoarse and her eyes still closed, though she smiled.

"Holy shit, it fucking worked." Piper heard something clatter to the floor and suddenly there were arms wrapping around her body, holding her close. She tried to hug her best friend back and found that she couldn't because her hands were cuffed to the bed.

"What worked?" Piper asked once Polly pulled back. The blonde had finally managed to open her eyes, though it took several moments until Polly's blurry outline cleared to reveal her best friends grinning face.

"You woke up!" Polly laughed, one hand resting on the blonde's arm as she stared at her. "I can't believe Fuckface was right."

"What are you talking about?" Piper could only stare at her best friend in confusion. She was ignored as Polly seemed to remember something and reached down to pick her phone off the floor. Piper took this time to look at where she was, noticing the plain white walls, the shuttered windows and the uniformed officer standing by the door. It became apparent that she hadn't died after Leanne's attack in the showers and was now residing in the hospital. How long had she been here for? She turned her attention back to Polly who had sat back in the seat and was currently pressing her phone to her ear. Piper could hear someone talking rapidly on the line, but couldn't make out what they were saying.

"You were actually right," Polly laughed into the phone, shaking her head in amazement. "All I had to do was throw a couple of insults at her and she actually woke up! Yeah, she looks okay, a little bit drugged. Actually, she kind of looks like that photo she emailed me of the two of you when you were in Java and she was sick, staring at me with that blank expression."

Piper frowned, wondering who the fuck Polly could be talking to, especially about Java. Her mind couldn't seem to process the information as she stared at her best friend.

"Who are you talking to?" Piper asked softly, not wanting to be rude and interrupt her friend's conversation. Polly gave her a weird look, as if it was obvious.

"Fuckface, you know, your prison wife?" Polly raised her eyebrow at the blonde and Piper frowned, even more confused than before.

"You're talking to Suzanne?"

"What?" Polly laughed, shaking her head. "Who the fuck is Suzanne? It's Supercunt, you idiot."

At the mention of Polly's favorite nickname for Alex, Piper sprang up from the bed only to be thrown backwards when her cuffs stopped her suddenly. "You're talking to Alex?!"

"Yeah," Polly said with a frown before she smiled. "Oh, that's right, you don't know. We can't call her Supercunt anymore because she ruined it. She said something about me being right because her tutu did have magical powers, so now it's Fuckface."

Piper could only stare at her best friend in shock as she continued to talk to Alex on the phone, as if they did it all the time.

"Oh, you want to talk to her?" Polly said, seeming to consider the question that Alex had apparently asked her. Piper tried to hold her hand out for the phone, but her handcuffs thwarted her once again. "Hm, I don't know. I don't think she wants to talk you, do you, Piper?"

"Polly," Piper growled as she tried to sit up again, falling back on to the pillows when the policeman took a step forward. She huffed in frustration, glaring at her best friend until Polly laughed and pulled the phone away from her face to press it to Piper's ear.

"Alex?" The blonde asked tentatively.

"Pipes?" Alex's deep voice came through the line, sounding strained and tired. "Fuck, kid, I can't believe you're finally awake. I've been calling that bitch like three times a day, waiting to see if you were okay."

"How long have I been gone?" Piper asked with a frown, looking up at Polly as she spoke. Her best friend's face was filled with relief as she stared back at her, and her free hand was now clutching Piper's tightly.

"Six fucking days," Piper's eyes widened at the information, her gaze dropping to her stomach before turning back to Polly. "Everyone here has been dying for news about you. It took me three days until Caputo finally gave me Polly's number and another day until she would actually speak to me."

"I'm sorry," Piper apologized. "I didn't mean to worry you."

"Don't worry about it, kid," she could practically hear the smile in Alex's voice. "Look, I have to go, there's a long ass line behind me. I'll see you soon though, okay?"

"Okay," Piper said softly.

"Piper?" She heard hesitance in her ex-girlfriends tone and frowned.

"What is it, Alex?" Piper waited for several moments as the line went momentarily silent. She was almost convinced that Alex had hung up when she heard her deep voice.

"I...I'm glad you're okay."

Piper closed her eyes as the call was disconnected, feeling warmth seep through her as she heard Alex's unspoken words.

_I love you too, Alex. _


	12. Chapter 12

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Twelve**

_Chapman_

_Well, that was embarrassing, _Piper thought to herself as the van doors slammed shut behind her. She had left the hospital in an orange jumpsuit; handcuffs clamped on her wrists as she was led past patients and families who stared at her with a mixture of curiosity and disgust. Polly and her mother had watched her from her room doorway, both with tears in their eyes as they waved goodbye. She'd spent three more days in the hospital after waking up and was being sent back to prison now that she could move around on her own. She was still in a lot of pain, unable to take any pain killers from the moment she woke up. They hadn't wanted her to have withdrawals once she was sent back to prison. Bastards.

She leant back against the wall of the van, closing her eyes as she felt it rumble to a start. She had mixed feelings about returning to Litchfield, just as she had after the SHU. Would things be different? Would she be in trouble for her interaction with Leanne? It had obviously been self-defense, but that didn't mean anything in prison, she could still get more time if Leanne had hurt herself with her fall. She still didn't know what had happened to Leanne, since her phone call with Alex had been a onetime occurrence.

She wondered a lot about Alex.

Would things be different between them once she returned to Litchfield or would they continue being friends? She knew that she loved Alex and she thought that maybe, just maybe, despite all the shitty things that Piper had done, Alex might still love her too. God, they were both fucking crazy.

Her train of thought was cut off as she felt the truck slow before finally coming to a stop. She waited patiently until the officer opened the door for her before stepping out of the police van. It was a beautiful day; the sky was completely clear and the sun was shining brightly, warming her cool skin. She turned her head to the light, letting her eyes flutter closed as she took in the warm rays before she stepped away from the van and towards the door that would lead her into the prison.

She ignored the women standing outside in their little cliques, especially the group of bible bashers that stood a few feet away from the door, glaring murderously at her. She didn't even look up as she stiff armed the door open, her free hand resting protectively over her still sore stomach. She wondered to herself if her room had been given away while she was gone but decided to check the ghetto, just in case. The halls were busy with inmates, making their way around the prison after breakfast but Piper refused to make eye contact. She heard a few 'welcome backs' and several hellos, but she just nodded, praying that her bunk would be empty and she could just lie down.

The noise was even louder when she finally reached the Ghetto and Piper cringed, wondering why she had to be sent back on a Saturday. She waved feebly at Poussey and Black Cindy and returned Watson's nod as she practically bolted into her cube, breathing a sigh of relief as she took in her things that were still scattered over her desk. She sat down on the thin mattress, taking a few deep breaths as she carefully prodded her stomach, remembering the doctors' orders to take it very easy.

"Yo, girl, you back," Taystee popped her head into their shared cube, sporting a megawatt smile for the blonde. "Your reps gone up like a thousand points since you been gone, y'know? Kicking Doggett's ass and then getting shanked by that blonde meth head and living! Not to mention the fact you managed to kick her scrawny ass too. Bitches be thinkin' you all that, now."

Piper managed a small smile for her bunk mate, dusting her shoulders with a nonchalant look on her face which caused Taystee to burst out in laughter. "I am all that."

"Yeah, you ain't bad," Taystee grinned before leaning out of the cube for a moment. Her head returned seconds later, a smirk gracing her lips as she spoke. "I guess I gotta split now, but come sit with us at dinner, Blondie. I want to hear the whole story."

Piper frowned in confusion but gave her roommate a nod as she backed out of the cube. She leant back against the wall, straightening out her legs and wondering if she could get some sleep before lunch when she was surprised by another head poking into her cube only moments later.

Only this head was drop dead gorgeous and wore thickly rimmed black glasses that made the woman somehow even sexier.

_Must be a sexy librarian fantasy thing, _Piper thought to herself, _It makes sense, I've always loved books. _

"Hey," that low, familiar voice rasped out and Piper couldn't help but smile at the dark haired woman that stood in the entrance of her cube. "You're back."

"Just got in," Piper said with a small smile, waving an uncharacteristically hesitant Alex into her cube and patting the bed beside her. "Sit down?"

She said nothing as Alex sat down carefully on the bed next to her, crossing her legs as she turned to look at the blonde through a shield of dark hair. Piper reached out slowly, gathering the strands and tucked them behind a beautiful pale ear, receiving a smile in return that melted her heart.

"You look tired," Piper said, noticing the dark circles underneath her ex-girlfriends eyes. Alex frowned, readjusting her glasses before squinting at the blonde. "So do you."

"I got stabbed."

"I watched you almost bleed to death."

"I spent the last several days in a room where they never turn off the lights _and _I was cuffed to the bed."

"I missed you."

Piper looked up sharply, meeting Alex's gaze only milliseconds before she turned away, focusing on her hands that rested on her thighs. With deliberate slowness, so as not to scare Alex away like a skittish animal, she slid her hand along the mattress until it was resting beside Alex's thigh. She could see the corner of Alex's mouth pull up into a smile as one by one, Piper's fingers crawled onto Alex's thigh until her hand finally covered the brunette's completely.

"I am sorry for worrying you, you know," the blonde almost whispered, gazing at the brunette until she looked up and met her gaze. "But, do you know how good it was to hear your voice when you called Polly? Even while unconscious, I still missed you."

"God, kid," Alex's voice was husky with emotion as she turned her hand over, interlacing their fingers. "I was so fucking scared when I saw you in the bathroom, covered in blood. If you hadn't spoken to tell me how hot I looked, I would have thought you were dead already. And then we were talking and you just stopped, you just gave up on me. Fuck, Piper!"

As she spoke, the brunette words grew steadily more heated until she was almost yelling and Piper cringed, glancing around to make sure they hadn't caught a CO's attention. She scooted closer to Alex, squeezing her hand comfortingly as she lifted her free hand to gently caress her cheek.

_Because this is the ways friends touch each other all the time, right?_ Her mind pointed out as she stared into Alex's stormy gray eyes. _God, I bet you're just itching to turn this into some hot post hospital, angry, I-missed-you-don't-ever-leave-me-again sex._

Shut the fuck up.

"I know and I'm sorry. We were having a pretty meaningful conversation and I was bleeding out on you, it was very rude of me." Alex scoffed, shaking her head and Piper couldn't help but smile before turning serious. "I am sorry though, Alex. If I'd been paying more attention, it wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't have put you through that."

"How _did _she get the jump on you?" Alex finally asked after several moments of silence, turning her head to stare intently into Piper's eyes, searching.

"I was... preoccupied," Piper shrugged, evasively, earning a pair of narrowed eyes from Alex. "With everything that had happened that night, I just wasn't thinking straight, I guess."

"You said something about Larry wanting to know the real you. What was all that about?"

Piper opened her mouth to answer but she was interrupted by Officer Bell who was standing outside of her cube. "Chapman, Caputo wants you in his office, now."

_Fuck, _Piper thought to herself, glancing at Alex who was watching her with a mixture of confusion and worry. She squeezed her hand one last time, mouthing the word 'later' before standing up and following Bell.

_Come on life, _she thought to herself as the door to Caputo's office was pulled open. _Let's see what else you can throw at me._


	13. Chapter 13

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Thirteen**

"What am I going to do with you, Chapman?"

Piper felt a ball of dread curl in the pit of her stomach the moment she entered Caputo's office to find him and Figueroa staring back at her. She knew that she was in trouble if the assistant to the warden was here to see her. She also knew that while Caputo was a sucker for a pretty girl and a few tears, Figueroa was ice fucking cold. It would be near to impossible to manipulate her without some sort of bribery, but Piper had nothing.

And damn, if her little fucking smirk didn't tell Piper that she knew it.

Caputo ran his fingers through his wiry strands of hair as the blonde sat in the seat before his desk, staring straight ahead and avoiding eye contact. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Figueroa crossed her legs from her seat on the edge of the desk, watching her intently. Piper tried to convince herself that her actions had been in self-defense and she was the victim here, but the look in Figueroa's eyes told her differently.

"So, tell me, Inmate, what am I supposed to do with you?" Caputo asked, leaning his chin on his fist as he stared at her. "You've gotten into fights with two of the other inmates, and have seriously injured one and attacked the other. I thought your time in the SHU would have sucked those homicidal tendencies out of you, but apparently, I was wrong."

"It was self-defense, sir," Piper replied softly, still avoiding eye contact. She felt a little indignant at the CO's words, but managed to push it down, only letting the smallest bit of anger show in her voice. "And _they _both attacked _me._ It was completely unprovoked."

"It still doesn't tell us what we're supposed to do with you," Figueroa finally spoke, her tone casual as if she was talking about the weather. "I mean, do we put you in the SHU for your own safety? Or do we transfer you to another prison? It's become apparent that you have some issues with the other inmates, especially Doggett's little followers. I wouldn't want to see you back in the hospital, Miss Chapman, or worse."

Piper's blue eyes widened at the woman's words and she turned her head to stare up at Assistant to the warden in shock. Were those her only options, to be sent to the SHU or to another prison? All because of two fucking women that were both as crazy as one another and held a grudge because she didn't want to dunk her head in the fucking laundry sink? Piper felt the bitter taste of bile rise in her throat as her temper rose so fast that there was no way of avoiding it.

_That temper is going to be the death of you, kid._ She heard Alex's voice whisper softly in her ear and in this moment, she knew it for truth, but she didn't care.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me?" She hissed, her blue eyes crackling with energy. Along with her fury came enough courage to speak her mind without fear, though a voice in the back of her head told her that she'd pay for it later. "I am never going back to the SHU."

"So, another prison then?" Fig tilted her head with a smirk, seemingly amused by Piper's little outburst. "You've caused me enough trouble already, Miss Chapman. I can't have you here where you will continue to disrupt the other inmates. We don't need that kind of publicity."

"Oh, I'll give you publicity," Piper growled in reply, ignoring Caputo's raised eyebrows and Figueroa's almost amused smile. "I can't wait to tell my fiancé about the video tape in the yard where I had my altercation with Tiffany. I'm sure he'd fucking love to know about Healy just leaving me there to die. An officer of the law, leaving two inmates in a restricted area when one obviously had a weapon. I'm sure the press would love that."

The amused smile was gone and it was Piper's turn to smirk.

"Larry did tell me that he was planning on writing another column and that he wanted to let people know how dangerous prison truly is. He wants to let the world know that a woman in prison has to worry about even taking a shower, because you might just get stabbed, just like I did. He will want them to know that the officers, who are supposedly here to help us, are the people we should be afraid of. I'm sure he won't forget to write exactly which prison that I'm suffering in, either."

There was silence for several moments and Piper felt some of her bravery fade as she stared back at Figueroa's expressionless face. She didn't let it show as she felt her fury simmer down and fear creep into her heart, thinking that maybe she'd gone a little too far with her outburst. She was a prisoner after all and this was the Assistant to the fucking warden, for God's sake.

"What do you want?" Figueroa finally asked, unexpectedly. Piper's eyes widened in surprise and she hardly heard Caputo's splutter of shock and outrage. Fig held up a hand at the man, narrowing her eyes at him as he opened his mouth to speak. "Don't even bother. She's got us here and we all know it."

Piper's thoughts raced a million miles a second as she considered all of her possibilities. Was this some sick joke or was Fig really so desperate that she'd give Piper whatever she wanted to keep this out of the papers? She thought about all of the things she could possibly asked for, from better food to a thicker mattress and finally settled on the least likely gift that would be given to her. Well, a girl's got to try, she thought to herself wryly.

"Can you get time taken off my sentence?"

She was immediately disappointed, even though she'd tried not to get her hopes up, when Figueroa shook her head. "After those two incidents of yours? No way. Even if they were both in self-defense, it doesn't change the fact that you almost killed another inmate after you'd disarmed her."

Piper nodded her head in understanding, a frown furrowing her brow before her eyes brightened. "How about time taken off another inmate's sentence?"

"It would depend on which inmate it was," Figueroa replied, tilting her head as she studied the blonde, curiously. "It depends on their crime and the severity of it and their behavior since they've been imprisoned. I'm going to assume you're talking about Inmate Vause?"

Piper nodded her head, watching as the woman seemed to consider it. They sat for several minutes in complete silence, with Caputo glaring at Piper for every single second of it. The blonde couldn't have cared less though; all of her attention was focused of the well dressed, manicured woman sitting on the edge of the desk.

Finally, Figueroa nodded sharply. "It could be arranged."

Piper felt a million emotions run through her at once, her happiness overshadowing most of her other thoughts. But, it didn't last very long.

"But there would be conditions," Fig finally added and Piper scowled, knowing it had been too good to be true. "The first one being that you transfer to a new prison as soon as we can arrange it. The second condition being that you tell your fiancé that this is an amazing facility, but you decided to transfer to get away from your little girlfriend or whatever other story you can come up with. I want you to get him to write only good things about Litchfield in his next column, or the deal is off."

Piper thought it over, feeling her heart break slightly in her chest as she considered her options. If it hadn't been for Alex, she never would have been here. Alex had already gotten her sentence reduced for naming the blonde, but that had been her own fucked up pay back for leaving her when the dark haired woman needed Piper the most. It had wiped their slate clean so that they could start all over again. But then Piper had broken her heart, again, and even though Alex seemed to have forgiven her, Piper wanted to give her something for it. And what really meaningful thing could she give her, other than her love? Less time to spend in this shit hole, for starters, even if meant that Piper had to leave.

But Alex could never know. If she did, the slate wouldn't be wiped clean at all for the brunette. She'd feel indebted to the blonde and Piper didn't want that.

"Okay. It's a deal," Piper nodded.

"Excellent," Figueroa smiled coldly. "I'll talk to people and let you know about Inmate Vause's sentence and then you'll be on the next bus out of here."

**AN: So it's another short chapter, but it's got a good amount of information to keep you all wondering what's going to happen from here. I've been pretty busy lately, so I haven't been able to update as much as I would like and that probably won't change for a little while. I just want to thank you all for the reviews, followers and favourites, it really makes me want to continue writing this story and keep giving it the best I've got. Hope you have enjoyed it so far. **

**P.S. Can't believe I have 248 people following this story. So amazing.**


	14. Chapter 14

_Authors Note: We're starting to near the end now, guys. There won't be any more than twenty chapters on this story, if that. Thanks again for all the reviews, and keep them up. _

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Fourteen**

_Vause_

She waited, rather impatiently, for Piper to come back from Caputo's office. She fussed with the blanket on the blonde's bed, straightening it and smoothing it down as she listened intently for those familiar footsteps. She wanted to feel angry at herself for being so pathetic as she continued to wait. She'd been waiting for almost a week a half for the blonde to come back from hospital, not including the ten years that she unintentionally waited for her before they came to prison. After Piper, Alex had never really given her heart away to anyone, because a small part of her, buried deep within her heart, had always been waiting, hoping, for the blonde to come back.

She remembered, unfortunately, quite clearly, the day that Piper had left her in Paris. It had been the worst day of her life, the day that she lost her mother and the woman she loved, all in the space of a few hours.

_She sat on the floor, her back leaning against the wall, next to the chest of drawers that held all of her clothes. She looked at the second drawer, which was still half open after Piper had pulled her clothes out of it and stuffed them into her suitcase. She felt the tears drying on her cheeks as she stared off into space, wondering if she had gone into shock after the recent trauma she'd gone through. It had been less than half an hour since Piper had walked out of the apartment and another half an hour on top of that since her aunt had called to tell her of her mother's passing. _

_She wanted so desperately to see her mom now, to feel those protective arms wrap around her and hold her as she cried. But, she knew, that would never happen again. She would never see her mother again, hear her voice, and feel the comforting touch of her hand on her shoulder. And she also knew now that she'd never see Piper again. But despite what her mind already knew, her heart wished desperately for the opposite, and she stared at the door, waiting and hoping that Piper would walk back through it. _

_It never happened and her face crumbled as tears resumed their flow over her pale cheeks as her mind whispered, 'I told you so.'_

She'd spent the rest of the night on that floor, a crumpled white t-shirt that Piper had left behind clenched in her fist. It had still smelled faintly of the blonde haired woman she remembered, and she had held it to her face, breathing in that familiar scent until she had absorbed every last bit of it.

Her head shot up suddenly as she heard soft footsteps making their way back to where she sat. It had to be Piper, she knew, because everyone else had left fifteen minutes ago to go to lunch. She watched the doorway, waiting until Piper's body materialized in front of her, a blank expression on her face.

"How'd it go?" She asked softly, watching as Piper looked up at met her eyes. She gently patted the bed bedside her, much the same way Piper had when Alex had stood at the entrance of her cube when she got back a few hours ago. The blonde hesitated for a second before stepping forward and sitting on the bunk, leaning back against the wall and exhaling wearily. "Not good?"

"It was okay," Piper finally answered, resting her head against the wall and staring at the ceiling. "They just gave me a few warnings, tried to scare me, you know, the works."

"Ah," Alex nodded her head in understanding, feeling the anxious tension begin to seep out of her body at the information. She continued to watch the blonde as her brow furrowed in what Alex could only assume was exhaustion. She had been waiting here so that she could speak to Piper, about what happened and about the things that were said.

About them, if there even was a 'them', but now she couldn't seem to find the words.

_Well, fuck. _Alex thought to herself with a sigh, attempting a smile as Piper turned her head and caught her gaze. The sadness in those blue depths made Alex's breath catch in her throat and she frowned, instinctively reaching for Piper's hand. Her frown deepened when Piper only pulled away from the contact, leaning over to fluff her pillow.

"You should probably go get some lunch," the blonde finally said as Alex continued to stare at her in confusion. "It'll be over soon and then everyone will be coming back in here."

What had happened that had caused Piper who had been so open and almost loving with her only an hour ago to turn into this distant and seemingly uncomfortable woman? Alex gathered up her courage as she stared at the back of Piper's head, attempting to find the words to tell Piper how she felt. She didn't want to waste another moment, the time she had wasted weighing almost too heavily on her already.

Ten years she had wasted, all because of her pride and fucking stupidity. Well, it wasn't only Piper who had changed in prison. Alex Vause could do normal, could be fucking conventional if it suited her purpose. And anything that involved her getting Piper back into her life definitely suited her purpose, even if it meant a white picket fence in the suburbs.

"Well, actually, I thought we could talk," Alex replied, waiting until Piper turned to face her before continuing, but it never happened. She watched as the blonde went momentarily still in the plumping of her thin prison issued pillow, still facing away from the brunette when she spoke.

"What do you want to talk about?"

Alex watched with a frown pulling at her lips as Piper not so subtly leant away from her body, creating even more distance between them. "About us."

"What's there to talk about?" Piper replied, her voice quiet and even. "We're friends, Alex."

"Is that all?"

The question hung in the air for what felt like forever and the silence was almost deafening to Alex as she stared at the blonde. It was as if her little admission in the bathroom before Piper was taken from her arms never happened. It was as if they had gone back to those first few days after Piper had returned from the SHU, and there was nothing between them except for a lot of anger and hurt feelings.

"That's all," Piper finally said, with a note of finality in her voice. The blonde looked up and met her eyes and Alex swore she could hear her own heart break as she took in the coldness and distance in those azure eyes.

"B.. W..What? Seriously?" Alex finally managed to stutter uncharacteristically. It was if a barrier had been put between them all of a sudden, creating a distance that she couldn't travel to reach the blonde. Fuck, and she'd been so sure her little speech would be well received.

"Seriously. You told me you were done with me, Alex. You said, you wanted to be my friend and that was all," the blonde turned away as she spoke, focusing on the far wall of her cube. Alex resisted the urge to grab the blonde's shoulders and shake her when she heard Piper begin her familiar speech, hating to have her own words thrown back in her face, again. Hadn't she apologized for that already? "And then Larry wrote me that letter and-"

"Larry." Alex spoke the named numbly, her face expressionless as she stared at the blonde. "You're going back to fucking Larry. Are you kidding me?"

"He loves me."

It was too much and Alex felt herself lose reign over her temper, quiet suddenly. "So what? I fucking love you! I can't fucking believe this. I can't believe you're doing this to me, again!"

"What?" Piper frowned as Alex stood up suddenly, stepping away from the blonde's bunk. "I haven't done anything to you, Alex. I never said anything to make you believe otherwise."

"God, I'm such a fucking idiot," Alex growled, turning away from Piper and running her fingers through her hair in frustration as she felt tears sting her eyes. That just made her even angrier. "I hate this. I fucking hate this. You're always breaking your first rule, Vause, the most important rule."

"Alex," Piper could feel her heart breaking as she saw the distress the brunette was in. She stood up, reaching out to touch her ex-girlfriends arm and flinching when the limb was pulled roughly from her grasp.

"Don't," Alex snarled, feeling her skin burn from where Piper's fingers had grazed her. "Just fucking don't, Piper. Just go and live your stupid yuppie life with your stupid fucking fiancé and leave me the fuck alone."

"Alex..."

"No!" Alex pulled away as Piper reached for her again. "Fuck, no. I fucking hate you. God, I hate you."

Without another word, Alex spun on her heel and stalked angrily out of the blonde's cube, oblivious to the sad blue eyes watching her and the words that were whispered as she left.

"I'm sorry, Alex."


	15. Chapter 15

**Hate You, Love You**

**Chapter Fifteen**

_Chapman_

Piper stood in the little room next to the visitation area, waiting patiently as Fischer patted her down whilst giving her nervous smiles every time their eyes met. She returned the smile genuinely when the CO gave her an approving nod, gesturing her towards the door and into the crowded room. She scanned the tables, managing a weak smile when she saw the familiar dark hair and dorky smile as Larry stood from his seat to greet her. She met him at the table, giving him a short hug before sitting across from her ex fiancé.

"Hey," Larry gave her a smile, his eyes warm as he held her gaze. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," the blonde shrugged, one hand automatically reaching for her still sore stomach. It was the day after she'd returned from the hospital and her wound was very tender though the medication she was on was helping, if only barely. "I'll live though. How have you been?"

"Worried sick," Larry said as he ran his fingers through his closely cropped hair. "God, when I got that call from Polly telling me you were in the hospital, I almost lost my mind, Pipes. And I couldn't come see you because I wasn't on your visitors list anymore. It was all so crazy."

"I know, I'm sorry, I only read your letter the night before I was attacked, and I put you back on my list as soon as I got off the phone with you yesterday," Piper apologized, reaching out to grab one of Larry's hands, giving it a quick squeeze before letting it go. She felt bad that she'd worried the man before her, especially when she still believed that she didn't deserve it.

"Its fine," Larry shrugged it off before giving her another smile. "I'm just glad you put me back on the list. So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about, that you couldn't do over the phone?"

Piper leant forward in her chair, resting her forearms on the table as she glanced around the room to make sure no one was listening before turning back to Larry. "I'm being transferred to Danbury. I've got to pack my bags today and a truck will be here to pick me up in the next few days." She watched as a frown formed on her ex fiancés face and quickly spoke before he could ask questions. "Everything's fine, it's just for safety reasons."

She had spoken to the Assistant to the Warden a few hours ago and had received the news that Alex would get time taken off her sentence if Piper was transferred to Danbury as soon as possible. Fig had called in several favors and had actually managed to somehow get four years off Alex's eight year sentence, which would mean that the brunette would be out of prison even before Piper was. Piper wasn't entirely sure how she did it but she wasn't about to complain and had enjoyed seeing the look of utter surprise and joy on Alex's face when she passed the brunette this morning while Alex was leaving Caputo's office after hearing the news herself.

She didn't let the fact that Alex was probably going to have a celebration fuck with Nicky ruin her mood either.

"Are you okay with that, leaving, I mean?" Larry asked with some concern. "I thought that you and Alex had rekindled that thing you had going?"

The words weren't spoken harshly, only with curiosity which caused Piper to smile despite the pain in her heart. "No, that flame is out for good, I'm afraid. It's probably better this way, anyway."

Larry didn't look convinced. "But, Polly told me that Alex was ringing her every day when you were in hospital. What happened?"

"I stopped being such an asshole by being a giant asshole," Piper shrugged, sighing when Larry just looked at her in confusion. "I didn't want to hurt her anymore and I knew it would hurt her if I went and told her that I loved her, only to get transferred to Danbury, you know? Five years is a long fucking time to wait for someone and I don't want her to go through that. I don't want to put her through what I put you through. So, I told her that you and I were getting back together and she got upset and it ended."

"But we're not getting back together."

"No, we're not," Piper confirmed, watching as Larry nodded in sudden understanding.

"But she doesn't know that, right?" Larry gave Piper a sad smile, which she returned with a nod. Larry reached over the table, patting her hand before speaking again. "So, Danbury, huh? Gonna get yourself some new prison bitches?"

/

Piper stepped out into the hall way after the embarrassing squat and cough after visitation ended. She ran her fingers through her blonde hair in an attempt to order it, frowning at the length of it and wondering whether she should go and visit Sophia before dinner started. She turned to go down the hallway that would lead her to the Ghetto, wondering if she had any spare Pantene bottles that she could trade when she saw Nicky leaning against the window that looked into the visitation room. Not wanting to listen to the 'you hurt my prison bestie, now I'm gonna shank you' talk, she turned to leave quietly, only to be stopped by Nicky calling out her name. The blonde cringed, debating whether to pretend she hadn't heard it or to own up to the pain she had caused Alex by facing Nicky.

_You're a new woman, Chapman. Do the right fucking thing. _

"Hey, Nicky," Piper half spoke, half sighed as she turned around the face the red head, who hadn't moved but was watching her intently. There was a surprisingly small amount of anger on the girls face, and an even surprisingly larger amount of understanding, as if she knew what Piper had done somehow and approved of it. But that couldn't be right.

"Hey Blondie, how'd your visit with the hubby go?" Nicky gestured with her head towards the now empty visitation room. "You two looked okay, for once."

Piper shrugged, figuring that Nicky just wanted to hear the latest gossip rather than bitch her out. "It went okay, I guess. It was nice to see him."

"I thought you two ended things?"

"We did," Piper shrugged again, turning once more to return to her cube. "But we worked things out." She'd taken two steps when Nicky's next question stopped her cold.

"So, you weren't just discussing how you dumped Vause because you're getting transferred to another prison? My spies must be losing their touch then."

_Fuck. _Piper grimaced, running through her head the people that had been in the visitation room with her when she'd spoken to Larry. She hadn't noticed anyone who she knew, but Nicky had been at Litchfield for a while and she had friends everywhere. She slowly turned back to face Nicky, trying to think up a good excuse or a lie to tell the woman. "Nicky..."

"Look, I know what you're doing and I get it," Nichols looked around the corridor before taking a few steps closer to Piper and lowering her voice. "I get it, okay? You're all fucked up and you don't want to hurt Vause anymore, 'cause you love her and shit. I get that. But this isn't the way to do it, Chapman. I haven't figured out exactly what you did to get the time taken off her sentence yet, but when Alex finds out, and she will find out, she's going to lose her fuckin' mind. She's a smart woman, she'll figure it out and then she'll be even more pissed that you didn't tell her about any of it. She'll be pissed about the sentence and the transfer, not to mention Barry or whatever."

Piper stared blankly at the red headed woman, trying to ignore the large amount of sense her words made. It rang true in Piper's heart and she knew that if Alex ever found out what she'd done, she'd be epically pissed off at the blonde. But, despite all of the changes she'd made, she was still a coward when it came to Alex Vause.

"She won't find out," Piper hissed, leaning closer to the red head. "Because you're not going to say anything to her."

"I wasn't gonna say anything," Nicky replied, holding up her hands in a peaceful gesture. "I'm not stupid enough to get in between all this dyke drama, but come on, Blondie..."

"Just keep your mouth shut," Piper said before spinning on her heel and stalking away, with Nicky calling out after her.

"Just think about what I said, Chapman! You know I'm right!"

/

Piper lay in her bed, having woken up in the middle of the night and been unable to fall back asleep due to the unwanted thoughts swirling through her head. She stared at the ceiling as she listened to the noises in the Ghetto while contemplating her choices. She knew what the right thing to do was, the only problem was that she really didn't want to fucking do it but she would anyway, if only for Alex's sake and to prove to herself that she was changing. It was simple really; she was going to get up at dawn and meet Alex in the shower and just tell her everything. She would tell her that she'd lied about Larry and that she loved the brunette but she was leaving to go to Danbury and she didn't want Alex to wait. Now all that she had to do was gather her courage and force her unwilling legs to move, but she hadn't gotten very far.

So simple, yet so fucking terrifying.

A little voice in the back of her head, snarky and mean, asked her why she thought that Alex would wait for her anyway. The woman was a sex goddess, with a smirk that could charm the devil and a body that any woman would kill for. Why the fuck would she wait for a WASPy blonde shit that had a tendency to fuck things up on a regular basis and was a narcissist to top it all off.

She ignored that voice to save the tattered shreds of her ego.

_Oh, not to mention self-centered. _

Shut up.

She sighed, turning her head and spotting the packed black duffle bag next to her bed that held her clothes and most of her toiletries. She'd packed up her meager possesions last night after she'd returned from her appointment with Sophia, rather than going to dinner. There was a box of things left on her desk for her friends to go through and to take what they wanted, mostly little things that she had purchased from commissary. She ran her fingers over the spine of the book that rested on top of her bag, something she had asked for Larry to bring in for her at visitation. She'd been lucky it was Fischer on guard and that she'd been allowed to bring it in. She smiled sadly as she read the cover of the book, tracing the letters with her fingertip as the name of the author brought back sweet memories to her.

She was interrupted by a figure stopping outside her cube, knocking softly on the wall and gesturing towards hers. She frowned, sitting up in bed as she stared back at Bennett, ignoring Taystee who was complaining about being woken up.

"It's time to go, Inmate," Bennett spoke softly, his voice kind. "Get changed and grab your things. The van is waiting for you."

Piper swallowed heavily, quickly grabbing her uniform and changing into it as her mind suddenly went into overdrive. She hadn't expected to leave Litchfield until at least Wednesday and she felt a pang of sadness that she wouldn't be able to say goodbye to any of her friends. It was becoming apparent how desperately Fig wanted her out of the prison, considering it wasn't even dawn yet and it had only been two days since they'd made their deal. She picked up her bag, slinging over her shoulder as she gripped the book that had been resting on top of it with shaking hands. She stepped out of her cube and nodded at Bennett, letting him know that she was ready to go. He gave her a sympathetic smile and led her quietly through the dorm and into White Suburbia.

"Sir, do you mind if I drop this off in Inmate Vause's cube? It'll only take a second," she used her best doe eyed expression until Bennett reluctantly nodded, gesturing towards Alex's cube a few feet away and telling her to make it quick. She quickly hurried over to the entrance of the cubicle, pausing for a moment to just look at the dark haired woman as she slept. She was lying on her side, one arm wrapped around the pillow under her head while the other hand seemed to be reaching for something that wasn't there. Piper burnt the image of her ex-girlfriend into her memory, the full red lips, the soft pale skin and the tattoo's that were visible beneath the sleeve of her white t-shirt as she gently placed the book on the desk next to the bed, along with the short note that was hidden in the cover.

She took a deep breath before turning away, pushing down the tears that threatened to bubble up as she continued to follow Bennett out of the dormitory and towards the van that would take her to her new home. She only hoped that she could make some connections with the women in her new prison, as she had in Litchfield, only this time she hopefully wouldn't fuck them all up. This time, she'd change herself as she had planned and hopefully leave Danbury in five years, a better person.

_AN: Hey, sorry again for the long wait but I finally got around to updating. I know it seems like a lot to wrap up in only a few chapters, but as you can see, the chapters are getting longer to fit everything in. Also, I know you're all hating on me for sending Piper away and for hurting Alex, again, but it's with good intentions, y'know. Plus, while this is a mainly Vauseman story, it's also a story about how Piper begins to change in prison, and the ways and reasons that she's changing. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, hopefully it won't be too long before I'm updating again._


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